Imperial history, ranked with jokes and receipts.
Roman Emperors: Totalus Rankium treats Roman and Byzantine rulers as contestants in a long-running historical ranking contest. The result is historical curiosity with kazoo endings, chariot-race bits, and serious arguments over who actually mattered.
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Roman Emperors: Totalus Rankium is a long-form comic history ranking project about the rulers of Rome and Byzantium. Its central pleasure is simple: every emperor gets judged, compared, defended, mocked, and placed somewhere on the great imperial ladder. The show is casual on the surface. Underneath the jokes, it keeps asking useful historical questions. Did a ruler actually govern well? Did he change the empire? Was the famous story more memorable than the reign itself? Could a disastrous emperor still be fascinating enough to score points? Recent episodes show the format in its endgame, with semifinals and a final turning years of earlier research into a knockout contest. The conversations return to figures such as Justinian II, Irene, Leo V, Theophilus, Andronicus, Basil II, Manuel, and Constantine XI. Some are remembered for religious conflict. Some are remembered for prison breaks, betrayals, assassinations, bad rule, dramatic deaths, or simply having very little cultural footprint. The show is especially good at separating historical importance from entertainment value. An emperor can have impact and still be dull. Another can be politically terrible yet impossible to forget. That tension gives the rankings their bite. The tone is irreverent, quick, and deliberately silly, with BBC chariot races, American commentary characters, recurring asides, and chaotic closings. Then the discussion snaps back to sources, dynasties, iconoclasm, succession, military choices, and public memory. Jamie and Rob’s dynamic makes the history feel conversational rather than packaged. They argue scores, change their minds, and let jokes run just long enough to become part of the format. It is ancient history as a bracket, a pub argument, and a character study all at once.
Made for: Best for listeners who enjoy Roman and Byzantine history but prefer argument, personality, and running bits over formal lecture delivery. It also suits ranking obsessives who like seeing messy historical reputations turned into structured categories.
What sets it apart: The show’s ranking system gives ancient history a competitive frame, while its comedy keeps even obscure emperors memorable. It treats absurd anecdotes, political consequences, appearance, reign length, and remembrance as separate kinds of evidence.
Lighthearted look into the history of all the emperors of Rome. Join us as we rank them one by one. How well did they fight for the empire? How crazy were they? What did they look like, and most importantly: do they have a certain... Je na Caesar...?
John VI arrives before John V, and somehow you'll accept the imperial chaos.
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Short reviews from the PlayNext desk, based on the episodes we processed.
A seven-year Roman ranking ends with a prison break, a terrible emperor, and a kazoo.
Seven years of Roman Emperors: Totalus Rankium closes with Jamie and Rob turning the series two final into a ranking dispute and a farewell that keeps slipping out of hand.
Justinian's plague legacy, Prince Valiant links, and strategy-game cameos push Roman Emperor Totalus Rankium toward its championship.
Roman Emperor Totalus Rankium reaches its final semi-final with the knockout shape already set, as Jamie and Rob look back on the run from Augustus to Constantine and revisit the divided response to Basil II's exit. Justinian gives the episode its strongest throughline.
A Byzantine semi-final where thin evidence, Discord chatter, and stubborn scoring keep every point alive.
Roman Emperors: Totalus Rankium makes its second semi-final a tight contest of imperial reputation, with Discord speculation and Rob's wavering notes keeping the result genuinely unsettled.
A lively semi-final lets imperial impact, memory, and unruly scoring argue their way to a finalist.
Roman emperors reach the semi-finals as Jamie and Rob turn reputation into a live ranking game. The measures are memory, imperial impact, and what each ruler still deserves to be remembered for, which gives Romanos I and Leo III plenty to complicate.
A Roman imperial ranking turns into a chariot race driven by Greek fire, factional intrigue, and spectacularly bad luck.
Season 2, Round 1 recasts imperial ranking as a chariot race, with Romanos 1 and Anastasios crossing the line while the rest fall away in comic disaster.
Greek myth told with fatal momentum.
Ancient empire told in old public-domain voices.
["Totalus Rankium closes its Roman Emperors run with Justinian II, Andronicus, and Heraclius after seven years of episodes.", "Jamie and Rob read listener arguments from Umberto, Lesya, Roberto, Aidan, Captain, and Hal, with praise ranging from Andronicus' prison break to Heraclius saving the empire.", "The debate narrows to Justinian II versus Heraclius, and the hosts weigh Heraclius' strategy against Justinian II's exile, fishing-boat return, and brutal comeback.", "Jamie chooses Justinian II, then the show announces American presidents, a pirate mini-series, and Holy Roman Emperors next."]
Semi-final three of Totalus Rankium pits Heraclius, Basil I, Anastasius, and Justinian against each other on remembered status, historical impact, and what the podcast thinks they should be remembered for.
Roman Emperors: Totalus Rankium’s S2 Semi Final 2 puts Basil II against Andronicus, with Theophilus and Leo V completing the bracket.
["Romanos I, Justinian II, Leo III, and Alexios I headline Totalus Rankium's Semi-Final 1, with Jamie and Rob weighing which emperor should move on.
Round 5 Tempo Completo compares dynasty averages and puts Basil II at 49 years and 11 months while Nicholas lands at zero.
Totalus Rankium's round four episode opens with the "Imago Faciens" recap, crowning John VIII's Renaissance portrait the standout image of Season 2 and Nicholas Kanavis, who reigned only days, the lowest scorer with zero points.
Totalus Rankium's second round of Season Two chariot races pits Justinian I, Justinian II, Manuel I, Justin II, and Eudocia against each other, with hosts Jamie and Rob first crowning Andronicus the season's craziest emperor over Justin II (who genuinely lost his mind, biting staff and hiding from an imaginary 'boggle') and Justinian II (who massacred entire cities in revenge).
Hosts Jamie and Rob open Season 2's "Fightius Maximus" recap by comparing all 13 dynasties, naming the Komnenos dynasty most combative, with four of its five emperors earning a Genesis Caesar award, and the Angelos dynasty least, averaging only 2.2 points.
Hosts Rob and Jamie of Totalus Rankium recap all 30 Season 2 "Jeanne César" award winners before randomly drawing them into six five-emperor knockout rounds using a battleship-grid method.
In the final episode of Totalus Rankium's Roman Emperors series, hosts Jamie and Rob open with a running gag about their 'sound guy' refusing to voice the name 'Constantine XI' and getting fired on the spot, before covering the future last emperor's rise from fourth-in-line prince to despot of Moria.
Totalus Rankium profiles John VIII Palaiologos, opening unusually with a description of his Benozzo Gozzoli-style Renaissance portrait rather than his biography.
Hosts Jamie and Rob cover Manuel II, John V's second son, born in 1350 amid the Black Death, who spent much of his youth as a hostage in Hungary and Venice while his father and brother Andronikos IV feuded.
Hosts Jamie and Rob cover Byzantine co-emperor John VII, who was blinded by his grandfather John V at age three on the order of Ottoman overlord Murad and spent roughly three years imprisoned before being freed.
Hosts Jamie and Rob cover Andronikos IV, born in 1348 amid the Black Death to John V and Helena Kantakouzene, who was crowned co-emperor as a child and later left in charge of Constantinople as a teenage regent while his father sought foreign help.
Hosts Jamie and Rob cover Byzantine emperor John V, born in 1332 to Andronikos III and Anna of Savoy, who spent his childhood as a figurehead during a civil war between his mother and his father's best friend, John VI Kantakouzenos.
Totalus Rankium covers Matthew Cantacuzenus, the eldest son of John VI, born in 1325 amid the civil war between Andronicus II and III.
Totalus Rankium tackles John VI Kantakouzenos out of numerical order, explaining upfront why episode 164 covers "John Six" before John Five.
Totalus Rankium hosts Rob and Jamie profile Byzantine emperor Andronikos III, born March 25, 1297, tracing his rise from a gambling, womanizing heir to co-emperor of Constantinople.
Totalus Rankium hosts Rob and Jamie profile Michael IX Palaiologos, born Easter Sunday 1277 and crowned co-emperor at 17 alongside his wife, the Armenian princess Rita.
The hosts introduce a special episode where they play a game with a guest co-host, but the show's overall theme is ranking Roman emperors.