The "With That In Mind" Podcast · Red Bird Mental Health Services

Episode 29: With That In Mind | Sex Education with Cindy Loftus-Vergari Part 1

·53 min·4 clips

A sex therapist's first client uncovers a hidden history of childhood molestation that reshaped her career.

Dr. Megan Velozorzi hosts this episode with her mother, Cindy Loftus, a retired therapist who specialized in trauma and sex therapy for 42 years. They discuss how parents can approach sex education with their children, drawing from their professional and personal experiences. The conversation aims to provide a framework for sex-positive parenting across different developmental stages. Cindy explains her entry into sex therapy began in the 1970s after her husband trained at Masters and Johnson, prompting her to pursue her own certification at Yale Medical School. Her first client was a young woman whose sexual difficulties stemmed from undisclosed childhood molestation by a grandparent. This case led Cindy to cross-train in traumatic stress, which she studied for decades. She notes that one in 100 babies is born intersex, referencing historical surgical practices that could cause lifelong pain. The hosts emphasize that sexuality education is a broad topic encompassing gender identity, attraction, biological sex, sensuality, and safety. A memorable story involves Cindy reading the book "Where Did I Come From" to a three-year-old Megan, who pointed out when Cindy skipped pages about intercourse. Dr. Velozorzi shares a recent anecdote where her daughter, after a talk about pregnancy, called both grandmothers to verify the information. Cindy recounts discovering a family secret from her childhood where she, at age five, was found with her hand on a male cousin's penis, which was treated as scandalous. They discuss how newborns receive nonverbal messages about gender through clothing choices, like durable fabric for boys versus less durable for girls. The hosts explain that healthy sexual exploration includes infants self-soothing by touching their genitals, which can even be observed in utero. They mention that baby girls can experience a hormonal "first period" in their first weeks of life, which can alarm unprepared parents. Cindy highlights differences in toilet training, where boys often develop pride in their genitals while girls may feel confusion. They stress teaching correct anatomical terms early to build a foundation for later conversations and safety. The tone is conversational, educational, and anecdotal, blending clinical expertise with personal family stories. This episode would appeal to parents, caregivers, or anyone interested in child development and practical strategies for sex-positive communication. Listeners seeking a strictly clinical or debate-driven format might find the personal tangents less engaging.

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