The Orange Tree · Lilythrewthatorange

Reacting vs Responding: Choosing the Best Version of You Ep. 8

April 25, 2023·25 min·2 clips

Lily argues that 90% of America's divisiveness stems from people reacting instead of responding to hot-button issues.

The point is time. Lily takes the TikTok explanation she heard and turns it into a blunt rule: the shorter the gap, the more likely you are reacting. She keeps it concrete, pushing the listener to notice the exact feeling that shows up before the bad answer, that sharp surge where fight-or-flight starts driving. Kids make the lesson personal. Lily says she works every single day to give her children the best version of herself because that kind of restraint was not given to her. That part lands. If you cannot slow down for your own kids, she says, you are probably carrying even more reaction into friendships, in-laws, business partners, mentors, and coaches. She calls it a skill, and she does not treat it like something you simply wake up with. It has to be worked. She compares it to a muscle, built over time by learning your triggers and catching yourself before the messy version takes over. Her trigger map is emotional. It is less about one phrase setting her off and more about recognizing the feeling that tells her she is about to answer from fight-or-flight. She knows that feeling. She also knows the adrenaline can feel powerful, loose, reckless, and temporarily satisfying, even when the consequences are plainly not worth it. The rant widens from there. A personal parenting standard becomes an audit of how much consideration you give people before handing them your first reaction. The responsibility stays with you. Lily frames responding as choosing the thoughtful version when the reactive version is already loaded. The ending softens, then sharpens. People deserve the best version of you. Your kids deserve it too. No one becomes non-reactive by magic. The work is noticing the gap, naming the feeling, and deciding that a short burst of heat is not worth becoming the ugly version of yourself you already know you will regret.

As heard by us

A blunt reminder to pause before answering, and to let time change how you show up for other people.

The Orange Tree episode eight, with Lily, stays on one clear idea: responding is different from reacting, and that difference matters for young people and for people with kids.

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Why you'd press play

Your pause before answering is the whole point.

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