The Divorcing Religion Podcast · Janice Selbie

Lacey Bond - From Bible Study to Sex Ed, Part 1

·56 min·5 clips

Lacey Bond recalls telling a kindergarten classmate his Power Ranger shoes were 'of Satan' at her Christian school.

Host Janice Selbie introduces Lacey Bond, a certified sex relationship and intimacy coach based in Los Angeles who focuses on healing from purity culture. Lacey describes her evangelical upbringing, attending Christian schools from preschool through university, including Biola University. She recalls getting a purity ring around age 10 and internalizing messages about saving herself. Lacey explains how purity culture teaches women their bodies are objects of lust that cause men to sin, while teaching men they are lust-filled monsters, creating what she calls rape culture. She references research showing evangelical women have significantly fewer orgasms and many men cannot differentiate consent from coercion. The discussion turns to consent education, with Lacey introducing the FRISK and CRISP acronyms for nuanced consent. She contrasts BDSM's negotiated, agency-based dynamics with traditional religious marriages that often lack explicit negotiation. Lacey shares that her clients are mostly people deconstructing purity culture who want to develop their own sexual ethics. She mentions writing a book on recovering from purity culture through kink and recommends Dr. Laurie Mintz's 'Becoming Clitorate'. The episode ends with Lacey explaining the PLISSIT model for sex education and therapy, and Janice invites her back for a part two.

As heard by us

A clear-eyed conversation about purity culture, shame, and the work of untangling sex from fear.

Janice Selby and Lacey Bond keep the conversation close to the fallout from purity culture. Janice brings a counselor's steadiness, while Lacey's evangelical background and her work as a sex, relationship, and intimacy coach give the talk its edge.

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Why you'd press play

If purity culture left you with rules and shame, this gives you a cleaner way through.

Read the full recommendation in PlayNext →

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