The Dildorks · Billy Lore, Kate Sloan

Vivaciously Vanilla

December 2, 2025·49 min·3 clips

Sex educator Billy Lohr reveals why he now swipes left on vanilla people in dating apps.

Vanilla is not the joke here. Kate and Billy treat it like an actual compatibility problem, starting with dating-app filters and ending up in the messier question of what desire needs from a partner. The mood stays playful, but the clip keeps coming back to one line that can sting a little: someone may agree to do the thing and still not actively want the role. That gap matters. For the submissive side described here, willingness might work in some moments, but it may not give them the psychological nourishment they are trying to name. Compatibility gets oddly precise. A toppy-leaning service partner could genuinely enjoy doing something because another person loves it, even if the intensity is not the same on both sides. That is the useful part of the conversation. Vanilla partners are not treated as hopeless. The point is narrower: some intimate roles depend on built-in want, not just kind cooperation. Billy draws the firmer line. They say they are more willing now to pass on vanilla people, and also on kinky people whose specific interests do not fit. Kate leaves more room for maybe. Her joke about dating a vanilla person opens the question instead of ending it. The language stays careful, which helps. When they reach for blunt comparisons like quick gratification versus something richer, they immediately check whether that sounds mean. That wobble is the episode's charm. They are not ranking people as better or worse; they are trying to explain why willingness, wanting, and fit can feel so different in practice. The conversation stays warm while it talks through dating uncertainty, app filters, personal limits, and the weird social math of wanting someone to want what you want.

As heard by us

A blunt, careful listen on whether kink and vanilla can actually share a bed.

This episode lives in the middle ground between kink and vanilla dating, and it lands best when Kate Sloan and Billy Lohr move past labels and into the practical questions underneath: what compatibility looks like, what it means to be willing rather than naturally inclined, and…

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Why you'd press play

Trying to date across the kink-vanilla divide without guesswork?

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