Surviving Toxic Relationships Podcast with The Matadoras · Elizabeth Jane and Deana Lynn

Episode #87: Why “Keeping the Peace” Is Destroying Families: Conflict, Boundaries & Self-Advocacy with Jen Fry

·34 min·2 clips

Jen says a woman in a toxic relationship should start with “small things” and “relationship building,” not big confrontations.

Lizzie and Dina, women of faith and survivors, bring Dr. Jen Fry into a conversation about how keeping the peace can slowly erode your sense of self. They open with the idea that many women are taught to avoid conflict at all costs. Jen pushes back on that right away. She says conflict is a skill. She also treats it as a mental health imperative. The discussion keeps returning to small choices. That matters because people who have lived under aggression or passive aggression often stop trusting their own judgment. Isolation comes up as part of the damage. Fear does too. Jen describes micro-advocacy as a way back to self-confidence. She means tiny acts of decision-making that remind someone they still have a voice. The hosts stay close to the emotional reality of that process. They do not rush anyone toward a dramatic confrontation. Instead, they talk about building support, reading, listening, and making quiet moves that strengthen a person first. Jen also warns against pushing big leaps when abuse may involve violence, money, or other layered control. She uses plain language for what it feels like to be worn down. The image is blunt. A person can feel like a beaten-down racehorse. That is why the conversation keeps circling back to safety. It also circles back to self-respect. The hosts connect the idea to small boundaries with kids, where holding a line matters more than waiting until frustration explodes. That turn keeps the lesson concrete. Boundaries are not framed as punishment. They are framed as honesty. They are framed as repair. They are framed as a way to stop giving away your voice one small silence at a time. The episode leaves room for faith without turning preachy. It keeps the emphasis on healing that is practical, patient, and real.

As heard by us

Conflict becomes a skill, not something to fear.

This episode treats conflict as a skill to practice rather than a threat to avoid. Dr. Jen Fry, alongside Lizzie and Dina, centers micro-advocacy, small choices, and the first no as ways to rebuild confidence, especially for women who have been isolated or worn down by toxic…

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Why you'd press play

You need a gentler way to say no without starting a war.

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