Surviving Toxic Relationships Podcast with The Matadoras · Elizabeth Jane and Deana Lynn

Episode #72: From Toxic Patterns to Self Love; Jonathan Aslay on Healing After Loss

·45 min·3 clips

Jonathan says losing his son in 2018 pushed him into a deeper definition of self-love and self-worth.

Lizzie and Dina open the conversation with Jonathan Aslay by naming pain many listeners already know: betrayal, divorce, emotional abuse, and the slow wear of losing yourself. Jonathan then tells the story of losing his 19-year-old son Connor in 2018, and how that grief pushed him into a deeper inner journey. He describes the moments around Connor’s funeral as a choice between suffering and love, and he treats that choice as part of how he thinks about healing. He shares that yellow butterflies began showing up around him, and he came to believe they were signs that Connor was okay. Whether everyone would read it the same way or not, Jonathan receives it as comfort. The hosts stay with him there and let the story breathe. Jonathan says he had already been blogging about self-love before his son died. He was working on another book called Compassionate Dating, then shifted his focus toward self-love more directly. The change feels grounded in experience, not theory. It comes out of his own life. He uses the airplane oxygen-mask idea to explain what he means. People have to care for themselves first before they can truly help anyone else. In his view, that is not selfish. It is love. The hosts keep returning to what this means for listeners recovering from toxic relationships. They speak plainly about confusion, shame, and the feeling of being slowly chipped away at by someone you love. Jonathan does not offer a quick fix. He keeps bringing it back to worth, boundaries, and the choice to stop abandoning yourself. Faith shows up as comfort and moral clarity without taking over the room. The tone stays intimate and direct. Jonathan’s grief story becomes the doorway to a wider reflection on dating and emotional health. He argues that the relationship process reveals a common problem many singles carry. That problem is not just bad luck with partners. It is a lack of self-love. Lizzie and Dina back that up in a voice that feels close and protective. They speak as women of faith who know what it is like to stay too long in a harmful pattern. That gives the episode its warmth. There is a little repetition and looseness here, which suits the show’s living-room style. The conversation feels lived-in instead of polished into something sterile. By the end, the episode settles into a clear invitation. Choose love over suffering. Notice the signs of healing. Set the boundary. Stop treating self-abandonment as strength. The final dedication to Connor leaves a quiet ache in the room. The hosts speak directly to listeners who have lost someone, loved someone, or needed permission to heal. The episode leaves that permission hanging there in a way that feels sincere. Jonathan’s story is less about dating advice than about the inner condition that makes healthy love possible. It asks listeners to start there. It asks them to begin with themselves.

As heard by us

After Connor's death, Jonathan Aslay frames self-love as the first step toward healing, boundaries, and recovery from toxic relationships.

Jonathan Aslay's account centers on a simple, hard truth: after losing his son Connor in 2018, he came to treat self-love as the starting point for healing from toxic relationships.

Read the full review in PlayNext →

Why you'd press play

If you need a gentler way to think about grief, start here.

Read the full recommendation in PlayNext →

Listen to the show on

Apple Podcasts Spotify

Play clips from this episode More from Surviving Toxic Relationships Podcast with The Matadoras