Surviving Toxic Relationships Podcast with The Matadoras · Elizabeth Jane and Deana Lynn

Episode #69: Am I The Toxic One in the Relationship??

·21 min·1 clip

Dina reveals how being cheated on can trigger toxic behaviors without making you the toxic one in the relationship.

This episode of Surviving Toxic Relationships examines whether a person might be contributing to toxic dynamics in their own relationships. Hosts Lizzie and Dina, who identify as women of faith and survivors of toxic marriages, guide a conversation on self-assessment. They frame the discussion around personal accountability and growth rather than assigning blame. Lizzie shares an anecdote about a friend who went through a traumatic divorce and domestic violence but refused therapy, eventually cutting off Lizzie after she suggested counseling. Dina provides an example of someone who becomes jealous, insecure, and controlling after repeated infidelity from a partner. The hosts distinguish between toxic *behaviors* and being a toxic *person*, noting that imperfect people can exhibit harmful actions. They list specific signs of toxic behavior, including manipulation, guilt-tripping, avoiding accountability, being overly critical, and fearing abandonment to the point of sabotage. A key point is that a trauma response, like fight, flight, or freeze, differs from a pattern of toxic behavior. One insightful claim is that a truly toxic person or narcissist rarely takes accountability and lacks empathy for the harm they cause, whereas someone with toxic behaviors often feels remorse and desires to change. The hosts reference advice from a therapist friend about this distinction. They suggest practical steps for healing and self-awareness, such as seeking therapy, building a support system, and asking trusted friends for honest feedback. Lizzie recommends journaling and mentions using grounding techniques, like a tactile sticker or box breathing, to manage emotional dysregulation. Dina notes that even children can display manipulative behaviors, suggesting these tendencies are innate but must be managed in adulthood. They warn against asking a toxic person to point out your flaws, as this can give them more power. The episode concludes with six key self-assessment questions, including whether one justifies harmful actions by blaming trauma or tries to dictate what others do or feel. The tone is conversational, supportive, and educational, blending personal storytelling with practical advice drawn from their experiences and faith perspective. Listeners actively questioning their own relationship patterns or seeking tools for self-improvement after a difficult partnership would find this episode valuable. Individuals who prefer purely clinical or non-faith-based approaches to psychological topics might find it less aligned with their tastes.

Listen to the show on

Apple Podcasts Spotify

Play clips from this episode More from Surviving Toxic Relationships Podcast with The Matadoras