LAUNCH: Parenting Tips for Raising Adult Children & Building Better Relationships · Shari Jonas - Parenting Consultant, Educator and Author

#69: The Dirtiest Word in Parenting Adult Children | And This One Is for Every Parent

·1 hr 6 min·3 clips

You have to decide—are you going to fight for you, or can't you die here in our home and wither away anymore.

This episode of the LAUNCH podcast features host Sherry Jonas and guest Catherine Hickam, a psychotherapist with over 40 years of experience specializing in parenting adult children. They tackle the emotional challenges parents face when their adult children are "stuck" at home, not progressing in life. Catherine shares a personal story about a defining, painful moment of public shaming by her minister father when she was five years old. For the next decade, their relationship was cold and fear-based until she initiated a reconciliation at age 25. Her father apologized, admitting his mistakes and committing to becoming the father she needed, which led to 33 years of a restored, loving relationship. Catherine uses this story to illustrate that redemption and repair are possible if parents approach their children with humility and a willingness to change. The conversation identifies key problematic constructs in these relationships, with "boundaries" and "control" being major contenders. Catherine explains that boundaries, when framed as "I" statements about personal limits, protect the relationship rather than damage it. She argues that control is always rooted in a parent's fear and is ultimately disrespectful to an adult child's autonomy. The episode declares "expectations" as the dirtiest word in parenting adult children, arguing they begin at birth and create an impossible standard. Catherine cites a Cambridge University study indicating the brain isn't fully formed until the early thirties, emphasizing the need for space and grace. She recounts a powerful anecdote about her daughter's friend, "Jason," who felt he had to be a different person around his parents to avoid disappointing them. The hosts discuss how unmet parental expectations lead to adult children living secret lives for fear of falling from grace. Catherine advises parents to grieve the lost expectations of the futures they imagined for their children. She stresses that parenting is ultimately about how the parent shows up, not about controlling the child's outcomes. The tone is a warm, conversational dialogue between two aligned experts who share a compassionate yet direct coaching philosophy. It is educational and reflective, blending personal narrative with actionable advice. This episode is ideal for parents of adult children who feel stuck, guilty, or frustrated and are seeking permission to set loving limits. Listeners who are uncomfortable with introspective work or who believe their child's choices are solely the child's problem might find it less relevant.

As heard by us

Plainspoken guidance on boundaries for parents of adult children living at home.

An episode about parents of adult children living at home, it draws a sharp line between support and enabling. The point is simple: a home is not supposed to run like a hotel, a cleaning service, a cook, or a bank, and love can still include hard limits.

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Why you'd press play

When your adult child is stuck at home and love starts to feel like rescue.

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