LAUNCH: Parenting Tips for Raising Adult Children & Building Better Relationships · Shari Jonas - Parenting Consultant, Educator and Author

#61: Parenting Adult Children Who Are Struggling to Function: The Power of Collaboration, Modelling and Expectations

·54 min·3 clips

Anna Levy Warren says rewards work better than punishment because brains want a “synaptic yes.”

1. LAUNCH: Parenting Tips for Raising Adult Children & Building Better Relationships focuses on parenting adult children who are struggling to function and live at home. 2. Sherry Jonas hosts Dr. Anna Levy Warren, a PhD clinical psychologist, founder and CEO of Organizational Tutors, co-founder of Dwellness, and a New York City private-practice clinician. 3. The episode asks what parents can do when a young adult wants to be treated like an adult but is not behaving like one. 4. Anna says parenting “brought me to my knees” after she had children with executive functioning challenges, anxiety, depression, and other complexity. 5. She says her daughter, “right on that 18 brink,” struggled with getting to school, getting out of bed, and functioning in basic ways. 6. Anna describes the gap between “chronological age” and “developmental age” as central to understanding these families. 7. She says parents often feel trapped living with a young adult who is “barely leaving their bedroom” and leaving laundry and food everywhere. 8. Anna argues that the first step is to stop expecting a 30-year-old to behave like a 30-year-old if they are functioning more like a younger child. 9. She suggests scaffolding behavior upward, starting with age-appropriate tasks like putting laundry in a basket or cleaning up one specific item. 10. The conversation stresses collaboration, including asking the young adult what “adult behavior” means to them and what freedom looks like. 11. Anna says parents who say “I’ve tried everything” are usually carrying hopelessness, helplessness, exhaustion, and grief. 12. She recommends making the target smaller, such as one mug on the table, so change can feel possible. 13. Anna says reward works better than punishment, especially for ADHD, because punishment often fails to create change. 14. She uses the example of rewarding herself with lunch after a podcast to show how adults already rely on reinforcement. 15. The episode returns to modeling: Anna says parents can change their own responses, calm down themselves, and show the behavior they want to see. 16. She says the only thing a parent can truly change is their own behavior, their relationship to the child, and how they show up. 17. Anna and Sherry treat weekly check-ins and written agreements as adult tools, not punishment. 18. The tone is candid and practical, with direct back-and-forth examples and a strong focus on implementation. 19. Parents of young adults with ADHD, executive functioning issues, or high-conflict home dynamics will get the most from this episode. 20. Listeners wanting a story-heavy episode or quick certainty about fixing a child may skip it.

As heard by us

Practical guidance for parents helping a young adult at home without escalating conflict.

Parents of young adults who stay home, avoid work or school, and keep to their rooms are the main audience here. Dr. Anna Levy Warren keeps the advice practical: model the behavior you want, set clearer expectations, regulate emotions, and treat the home like a shared system…

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