LAUNCH: Parenting Tips for Raising Adult Children & Building Better Relationships · Shari Jonas - Parenting Consultant, Educator and Author

#49: Is Parental Estrangement Permanent? One Mother's Healing Journey

·44 min·2 clips

Crystal says her youngest son told her she had a drinking problem and she went to rehab quickly.

1. Launch: Parenting Tips for Raising Adult Children & Building Better Relationships centers this episode on Crystal Allen’s return after episode 16, where parental estrangement was the main topic. 2. Shari Jonas hosts Crystal Allen, who is described as an intensive healing life coach working with parents whose adult children have gone no contact. 3. The episode asks what can happen after estrangement when a parent does trauma work, takes accountability, and waits for adult children to set the pace. 4. Crystal says she did not recognize her childhood as traumatic and believed her choices were normal until later therapy forced her to look back. 5. She says her youngest son, one of her four children, told her three and a half years ago that she had a drinking problem and needed to get it under control. 6. Crystal says she went to rehab quickly, relapsed a few times, entered therapy and trauma therapy, and then watched her marriage fall apart. 7. She describes the breakup as messy and says her two youngest sons went no contact with her for over a year. 8. Crystal says that period first felt crushing, but then pushed her to ask why her own children did not want to be around her. 9. She says trauma therapy helped her recognize passive-aggressive behavior, manipulation, and gaslighting patterns she had not named before. 10. Crystal says her youngest son texted that he wanted to “commence communication again,” but also made clear that “the door is” not “swinging wide open.” 11. She says she had to calm her nervous system, respond with “I’m here,” and let him lead the pace of contact. 12. Crystal says her oldest son called two days later even though the two brothers were not coordinating their outreach. 13. She describes meeting her son and grandchildren at a public park, where her grandson ran toward her and called her “daddy’s mommy.” 14. Crystal says her son told her, “you don’t have to be nervous about saying the wrong thing mom,” which she experienced as an act of grace. 15. She says the relationship is being rebuilt through beach trips, walks, dinners, and time with her grandchildren a couple of times a week. 16. Crystal says she has also asked her children for feedback when she does something that is not okay, because communication now has to stay open. 17. Crystal explains emotional regulation through the DBT “STOP” technique: stop, take a breath, take a step back, observe, and proceed mindfully. 18. She and Shari connect that practice to the amygdala, the prefrontal cortex, and the need to pause before reacting to adult children. 19. Parents who want practical estrangement tools, journaling prompts, and reflection work would get the most from this conversation. 20. Parents who want a quick defense of their own behavior or a simple reconciliation formula may skip it.

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