Judge John Hodgman · John Hodgman and Maximum Fun

Pain and Suffer Ring

April 1, 2026·1 hr 11 min·5 clips

David admits to having 45 alarms set, including sentimental ones from a decade ago.

1. Judge John Hodgman arbitrates a sibling dispute between Lisa and David, who co-work at a family law firm in Denver, Colorado founded by their parents Karen and Mike over 50 years ago. 2. David is a personal injury attorney at the firm; Lisa is the marketing director, hired in 2012 after a background in film school and journalism — a hire David says he was part of approving. 3. The episode's central question is whether David's habit of setting phone alarms for every task is a legitimate productivity system or an antisocial disruption to those around him. 4. Hodgman opens by quoting lyrics from 'The Stand' by Welsh rock band The Alarm (1983), describing 'the walking dude' — a reference to Randall Flagg, the antagonist in Stephen King's 1978 novel The Stand, whose complete uncut version was later restored after editors cut 400 pages to reduce printing costs. 5. Lisa describes the alarm as always set to the same sound at full volume — the iPhone 'Radial' tone — and performs an impression of it in the courtroom, prompting Hodgman to play the actual sound, which triggers a mutual trauma response. 6. David reveals he has approximately 45 alarms currently set on his phone, many of them dormant and used as a to-do list, and that he will sometimes tell a smart speaker to set an alarm reminding him to set a more specific alarm about a half-formed thought. 7. David explains that he adopted the alarm system over calendar reminders because historical iOS reminders were passive — they would silently appear on screen rather than blaring audibly — and because alarms require affirmative dismissal, forcing him to confront each task. 8. Some of David's oldest alarms date to eight years ago, including a reminder to 'Get Campbell a birthday gift for her first birthday' that is still on his phone even though Campbell is now ten. 9. David describes keeping alarms from a Disneyland trip when his daughter was four and his son was two, including reminders for a Rapunzel photo shoot and fast passes for various rides — alarms he retains for sentimental reasons. 10. Lisa admits she had no idea the sentimental alarms existed and that her complaint concerns only the active work-related alarms, not the dormant archive. 11. David's counter-argument features a video from the law firm's YouTube channel showing Lisa's chaotic desk, which Hodgman describes as 'a hodgepodge of various knickknacks and papers'; Lisa defends it as an 'effective system' and describes herself as organized 'like an artist.' 12. A second video from the firm's YouTube channel shows David describing his 107-page babysitter manual, which covered parfait preparation, dimmable light settings, appropriate radio channels, and a vocabulary policy substituting 'toot' for 'fart.' 13. David confirms the manual is 100% real, was written when he was a single parent with young children and au pairs, and still exists though it has not been updated as his children have aged. 14. Hodgman observes that David's system — the alarms, the manual, the recursive alarm-about-an-alarm — reflects a pattern of comprehensive documentation rather than a simple attention problem. 15. Lisa's most emotionally direct statement comes when she explains that during the pause created by David's alarm, she begins to question whether what she is saying is interesting enough to hold his attention and whether she should stop talking. 16. David pushes back that he attempts to police the alarms regardless of whether he is with Lisa or in a professional setting, and invites Hodgman to assess how well he is doing managing his own performance in the courtroom at that moment. 17. The episode has a warm, affectionate sibling dynamic throughout, with David playing the articulate attorney who occasionally 'ebbs' after strong arguments, and Lisa catching him in contradictions with pre-prepared video evidence. 18. Hodgman repeatedly notes the irony of accusing David of saying too much while David then continues to say too much, and of hearing an alarm go off on his own phone during recording. 19. People who enjoy comedy arbitration shows, sibling relationship dynamics, or debates about productivity tools and organizational philosophy will find the episode engaging. 20. Listeners who find detailed iOS feature discussions or extended family law firm context tedious may want to skip ahead to the emotional revelation in the episode's final third.

As heard by us

A tiny phone-alarm dispute becomes an affectionate sibling trial about productivity, messy desks, and office sanity.

Lisa and David work together at their family's law firm, which is awkward because David's phone alarms go off at least ten times a day for work tasks. Lisa wants a written to-do list. David thinks his system is perfect.

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Why you'd press play

When a family-law office turns one brother's phone alarms into a daily courtroom nuisance.

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