Is My Child A Monster? A Parenting Therapy Podcast · Leslie Cohen-Rubury

Kevin & Scott Part 1 of 3: When Parenting Feels Like A Sea of Chaos

July 22, 2025·40 min·2 clips

This episode features parents Kevin and Scott, who are raising two neurodivergent sons, in a therapy session with host and licensed clinical social worker Leslie Cohen-Rubary. Leslie guides a discussion focused on the emotional challenges and behavioral strategies for parenting children with ADHD and autism. The conversation centers on the family's morning chaos, particularly during breakfast with their seven-year-old, Gavin, and four-year-old, Arthur. Kevin and Scott describe a household filled with conflict, where Gavin is physically active and Arthur is easily distracted, making shared meals difficult. They reveal they pursued extensive psychoneurological testing, resulting in diagnoses of ADHD for both boys and a recent Level 1 autism diagnosis for Arthur. The parents express that despite their research, typical parenting tactics have failed, leaving them feeling uncertain and incompetent. Leslie identifies a need to grieve the loss of the parenting experiences they had envisioned, which both Kevin and Scott acknowledge. A pivotal moment involves a structured exercise where Kevin and Scott practice offering each other verbal compassion, followed by statements of self-compassion, which moves Kevin to tears. Leslie reframes the boys' chaotic interactions, suggesting their "teasing" might be a neurodivergent form of playful connection rather than intentional conflict. She critiques their current reward system, noting its effectiveness waned as the novelty faded, and advises using such systems for very short, specific periods with small, achievable targets. Leslie encourages constant rotation of strategies, like using fidget toys, drawing, or even having the boys eat in separate rooms, to prevent burnout for both parents and children. She introduces the dialectic of balancing acceptance of a chaotic moment with the need to change it, and questions whether a problem belongs to the child or the parent. The host suggests that parents sometimes need to solve their own agitation first, using humor or distraction to shift the dynamic. Leslie assigns homework to identify the unspoken "shoulds" they impose on themselves and their children. In a concluding monologue, she differentiates between secondary emotions like frustration and primary emotions like grief, guilt, and shame, which often underlie parental anger. She emphasizes that children need parents to "show up" and "fake it till you feel it," celebrating small successes. The tone is therapeutic, educational, and deeply compassionate, blending direct skills coaching with emotional validation. The style is conversational and workshop-like, with the host actively teaching and reframing the parents' experiences. Parents of neurodivergent children who feel overwhelmed and isolated in their struggles would find immense validation and practical advice in this episode. Listeners seeking purely disciplinary tactics or quick behavioral fixes might find the focus on parental emotion and acceptance less immediately actionable.

As heard by us

A grounded coaching session on grief, playful connection, and reward systems that stop working.

Parenting two neurodivergent boys is treated here as a conversation about grief as much as behavior. Kevin and Scott describe life with seven-year-old Gavin and four-year-old Arthur, both diagnosed with ADHD, with Arthur also recently diagnosed with autism.

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Why you'd press play

When family life feels like a sea of chaos, you get a calmer way to read it.

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