"We Never Talked About Her Again" - Susan Lieu & The Manicurist's Daughter

·53 min·5 clips

Imagine being 11 when your mother dies after secret plastic surgery, and your family never speaks of her again.

This episode of Grief Out Loud features host Jana in conversation with Vietnamese-American author and performer Susan Lieu. Susan's mother, a Vietnamese refugee and nail salon business owner, died from a plastic surgery complication in 1996 when Susan was eleven. The episode explores Susan's subsequent quest to understand her mother's life and death, detailed in her memoir *The Manicurist Daughter*. Susan describes her family's immediate silence about her mother's death, which created a void of information and shared mourning. Her mother had sought a tummy tuck and buttock augmentation from a surgeon with a questionable record. The family never discussed the surgeon's prior malpractice settlements or the specifics of the surgical error that led to her death. Susan embarked on a years-long investigation, tracking down the surgeon and former patients to piece together events. Her work extended into advocacy, collaborating with Consumer Watchdog to help pass a California law raising medical malpractice caps. The conversation delves into the cultural dynamics of a refugee family where discussing trauma was seen as a burden. A central insight is Susan's realization that her family's silence was a form of protection, not indifference, rooted in their survivalist refugee mentality. She shares the profound moment of finally hearing her father admit he missed his wife after decades of stoicism. Susan explains how performing her one-woman show about the search became a catalyst for breaking the family's silence. The investigation revealed the surgeon had multiple malpractice claims and had declared bankruptcy, complicating any legal recourse. Susan argues that low-income women of color are particularly vulnerable to cosmetic surgery marketing and malpractice. She reflects on the heavy personal cost of her obsessive search, which strained family relationships before eventually mending them. The tone is intimate, raw, and deeply conversational, focusing on personal narrative and emotional revelation. The style is reflective and story-driven, weaving between past trauma and present understanding. Listeners interested in immigrant family dynamics, intergenerational trauma, and personal journeys through grief will find this episode compelling. Those uncomfortable with detailed discussions of medical malpractice and family conflict may find it challenging.

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