The Animals: Steven, Beaver

November 8, 2023·21 min·1 clip

Steven the beaver reveals he's on his third marriage because his previous wives vanished after saying they'd go look for sticks.

The episode begins with a parental content note about a discussion of the tooth fairy. Steven introduces himself as a beaver who builds lodges, moves on when the time feels right, and regards home as wherever his family is. He reveals that although beavers mate for life, he is on his third marriage because his first two wives disappeared—both last seen saying they were going to check for sticks nearby. He is confident something unfortunate happened to each of them. His current wife Cindy is stronger than him in every way. Steven has thirteen children across three marriages and announces on-air he plans to have a fourteenth because thirteen feels unlucky. He requests permission to build a small dam during the interview because he becomes anxious when not building, and the host obliges. The conversation turns to beaver teeth, which are orange, continuously growing, and used constantly for chewing. Steven explains that a lazy beaver can be identified by unusually long teeth since they have not been filed down by work—citing his brother Stanley, who lodge-surfs rather than building his own. The host explains human baby teeth and adult teeth, which baffles Steven: two sets of non-growing static teeth seems to him like an unworkable system. The host introduces the tooth fairy, which Steven immediately identifies as a parental scam—comparing it critically to lying to children about why their mother has disappeared. Steven recounts accidentally cutting the power to an entire town's decorated Christmas tree when he was young, mistaking the electrical cord for a vine. He was briefly electrocuted, the lights went out, and he fled before understanding what had happened. He reflects that if he had succeeded in taking the ornamental materials home, his illuminated lodge might have attracted humans looking to make pelts, which terrified him. Steven describes his reaction to seeing the Hoover Dam: near-depression at the scale difference between human and beaver engineering, resolved by comparing himself to a folk musician and the dam to jazz-techno-classical fusion. He also criticizes bird music as two notes of one song, noting birds have clearly never heard real music. The episode closes with a discussion of the 1948 Idaho beaver drop, in which wildlife managers parachuted beavers using World War II surplus parachutes into new habitats; Steven's ancestors on both sides met during the drop and he considers them heroes.

As heard by us

A calm beaver chat turns family loss and folklore into dry, oddly tender comedy.

Steven the beaver comes across as a creature who has settled into life by the riverbank. He builds a lodge, moves when the mood shifts, and treats family as the real shelter.

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Why you'd press play

A beaver explains lodge life, lost spouses, and the tooth fairy with complete seriousness.

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