Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

408: What if your blocks to love aren't even yours? (ft. Violet Lange)

·46 min·4 clips

What if your inability to find love stems from a family trauma four generations back?

The episode begins with host Melanie Curtin introducing the topic of intergenerational trauma and blocks in love, framing it through the lens of constellations work. She welcomes guest Violet Lange, a love coach and constellations facilitator. Violet explains that constellations is a modality that accesses a 'field' to illuminate patterns and blocks, often rooted in family lineage rather than individual issues. She describes its origins with Bert Hellinger, who learned from Zulu and Samgoma tribes in South Africa, emphasizing a communal approach to healing. Melanie contrasts this with Western individualism, noting how constellations view problems systemically. They discuss epigenetic trauma, referencing rat studies where trauma responses are inherited for three generations. Violet shares a client example where a 'broken picker' in dating was actually a disconnection from sexuality due to family survival patterns of staying small. Another example involves a client entangled with their mother, preventing partnership. Melanie reflects on her experiences as a representative in constellations, describing how it fosters empathy and personal healing. Violet explains how she integrates constellations into her coaching, using tabletop setups with objects to represent family members. They discuss practical applications, like decision-making or resolving family conflicts, and note constellations' use in Brazilian courts for family disputes. The episode concludes with an announcement for a live workshop on April 18th, 'Healing with the Feminine,' aimed at men, featuring women as representatives to support healing relationships with the feminine.

As heard by us

A family-systems lens turns the "broken picker" into a question about sexuality, survival, and being seen.

Love's so-called broken picker gets a family-systems reconsideration here, reframing the pattern as a body-and-nervous-system form of trust that can coexist with disconnection from sexuality.

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Why you'd press play

You keep calling it a broken picker; this conversation asks who taught your body to choose.

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