Cat Noir Comedy Podcast · Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders

Training Day

July 14, 2025·28 min·2 clips

The session opens with mandatory attendance and a cheerful threat of letters for anyone absent. It promises a full day of training and expects everyone to stay awake until five, or ten minutes early if they can manage it. The instructors quickly move into housekeeping. Fire alarms are handled with a deliberately sluggish evacuation plan that values dawdling over judgment. Phones are meant to be off and out of sight, though the advice soon starts drifting toward less discreet behavior. The room is treated as if nobody cares anymore, which is, naturally, exactly when everybody should care. The talk then mutates into a mock-technical lesson about risk. One sound effect is the countryside. Another is Wales. Another is machine gun fire. The final one is someone sleeping. The group is asked which is the riskiest. The answer is not the gunfire, since that was taken from an old TV program. The other sounds were recorded during COVID, and the sleeping person is judged the riskiest because an avalanche is coming. The logic is absurd and the tone never admits it. The lesson keeps insisting that careful risk consideration matters in every situation, even when you're asleep. By the close, the course has tallied 29 potential risks. Rat poison is counted as a threat to both food and kitchenware. The ending widens the joke further by claiming the workplace sits in an air traffic control centre inside a hospital operating theatre on an oil rig. The piece finishes by pushing the advanced six-day risk and hazards course and snapping off in a final burst of chaos.

As heard by us

A workplace training session that turns procedure into a deadpan joke.

A workplace training session becomes a dry little farce about risk, attention, and confidence that has wandered too far. It keeps piling on fake-authoritative rules: mandatory attendance, ridiculous evacuation advice, phone restrictions taken to an extreme, and a risk exercise…

Read the full review in PlayNext →

Why you'd press play

You want a safety video that starts sensible and ends in total nonsense.

Read the full recommendation in PlayNext →

Listen to the show on

Apple Podcasts Spotify

Play clips from this episode More from Cat Noir Comedy Podcast