Keine Lust mehr? Was tun, wenn der Partner im Bett nur noch der Seestern ist?

·44 min·3 clips

Max and Jakob ask if men ever make the 'lazy starfish' in bed, introducing a listener's story about her partner's four-year sexual disinterest.

1. Beste Freundinnen addresses listener Lena's four-and-a-half-year loss of sexual desire in her partner in this episode. 2. Hosts Jakob and Max co-present; both draw on personal relationship experience throughout rather than professional credentials. 3. The central question is what a woman should do when her partner has functionally stopped being a sexual participant — and whether she is entitled to seek alternatives. 4. Lena, 26, writes that she and her 32-year-old boyfriend met on a dating platform, had sex she describes as 'the best of my life' on their first date, and then within five months of moving in together, his libido collapsed. 5. He now typically has sex once a month at most, and only when Lena wears lingerie — at which point he lies motionless while she does all the work, a pattern the hosts label 'the starfish.' 6. The boyfriend acknowledges the problem and says he was not always like this, but has not taken independent steps to find a solution despite multiple conversations. 7. Lena says an open relationship is off the table for the boyfriend, even though she is increasingly attracted to other men and says 'there would be no shortage of offers.' 8. Max argues directly that a partner who delivers neither sex nor permission to seek it elsewhere is not holding up his side of any reasonable arrangement. 9. Jakob acknowledges he previously said something similar on the show and received listener criticism, but stands by the position. 10. The hosts consider possible causes: the boyfriend may have separated love from sex earlier in life, and now that the relationship has become genuinely intimate, desire has disconnected. 11. Jakob introduces the chasing dynamic: the more insistently Lena pursues sex, the more her partner involuntarily retreats, creating a self-reinforcing gap. 12. He draws on personal experience of being the lower-libido partner, noting that an inner push to re-engage is needed — it does not happen automatically. 13. The hosts suggest the relationship may have drifted into what Jakob calls a 'WG-Partner' (flatmate) dynamic, where everything functions well except romantic desire. 14. Max connects this to the observation that Lena describes her boyfriend as a 'Traummann' (dream man) in every other respect, which suggests the relationship has high emotional value but no longer includes attraction. 15. Both hosts recommend couples therapy or sex therapy as a first step, combined with honest regular conversations rather than a single confrontation. 16. Jakob proposes a three-month ultimatum: either the boyfriend finds a concrete path to resolving the issue, or Lena re-evaluates the relationship. 17. The hosts also note Lena mentions she has felt like she is 'losing her twenties' to this situation, framing it as a time-sensitive life decision rather than just a relationship problem. 18. The episode is informal and frank in tone, mixing crude humor with genuine empathy; both hosts laugh often but treat Lena's situation as serious. 19. Women in long-term relationships experiencing desire imbalance, or anyone curious about the intimacy-libido paradox, will find the discussion relevant. 20. Listeners who prefer clinical or research-based relationship advice, or who are uncomfortable with explicit sexual language in German, should skip this episode.

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