Backdoor BOINK[A (Silly) Sexual Wellness Podcast] · BOINK

No Cookie for You! - Getting Out of the Slump

·33 min·3 clips

Even sexperts have dry spells—Kayla admits she hasn't had sex with MJ since September.

Hosts Kayla, a certified relationship coach, and MJ explore common reasons for intimacy slumps in long-term partnerships. They frame this as a foundational issue affecting most relationships, regardless of how kinky or vanilla they are. The hosts immediately ground the discussion in their personal experience, revealing their own multi-month dry spell due to conflicting schedules and work demands. Their first major tip is to proactively schedule intimate time, treating it like a date night without specific sexual expectations. They advise removing distractions like phones and kids to foster reconnection through conversation or shared activities like cooking. A significant portion of the conversation focuses on stress as a primary libido killer, with MJ noting the brain is the biggest sexual organ and must be disengaged from daily pressures. They discuss how even sex can start to feel like undesirable "work" when exhausted, recommending partners begin with simple touch to rebuild momentum naturally. The hosts detail how SSRIs and similar medications can drastically reduce sexual desire, sharing a personal anecdote about a doctor unhelpfully suggesting "look at some porn" as a solution. They emphasize the need for mental exercises to recall the physical sensations of pleasure and open communication with healthcare providers about side effects. For slumps stemming from emotional disconnection, they reiterate the importance of scheduled date nights with clear communication about their purpose for the relationship. A key and detailed strategy they introduce is the "reset," a mutual agreement to take sex off the table for a set period to remove performance pressure and rebuild anticipation. They explain this is particularly useful for couples with mismatched libidos, as forbidding the "cookie" often makes it more desirable. The episode concludes with advice for parents, suggesting they sometimes need to prioritize their partnership by creating moments of privacy, as that relationship endures beyond the child-rearing years. The tone is candid, humorous, and deeply conversational, with the hosts freely joking about their own dynamic and sexual cobwebs. It is educational but delivered through personal storytelling and playful banter rather than a clinical lecture. Listeners struggling with busy schedules, stress, or mismatched desire in a long-term relationship will find relatable validation and practical, non-judgmental advice. Those seeking highly structured, research-heavy content or discussions of specific sexual techniques might find the approach too anecdotal and meandering.

As heard by us

A blunt, playful reset for anyone trying to get desire back on track.

Backdoor Boink keeps this clip loose and useful. Kayla and MJ move from teasing banter into a straightforward look at what can flatten desire: stress, anxiety, depression, and the side effects of SSRIs.

Read the full review in PlayNext →

Why you'd press play

Need a candid reset when stress or meds are dulling desire?

Read the full recommendation in PlayNext →

Listen to the show on

Apple Podcasts Spotify

Play clips from this episode More from Backdoor BOINK[A (Silly) Sexual Wellness Podcast]