Illegal Ham to the Face

Illegal Ham to the Face is Cleveland sports talk run off a show sheet that gets followed loosely at best. The opening bit sets the terms: some Cleveland shows try to give you hot takes, and this one promises a big old piece of hot ham. The two voices introduced there as the Ham Boys, Fatty and Big Bri, almost never take the direct route. Episodes warm up on whatever the week brought. That might be Easter eating, a golf-announcer impression before a Masters recap, St. Patrick's Day, or a meteor breaking the sound barrier over Northeast Ohio. One March episode celebrates T-shirt weather in Cleveland and predicts 26 degrees a few days later. Then the Browns come up, and the jokes turn into real argument. In one draft segment, one of the pair lays out a plan to take a wide receiver and an offensive lineman so that both come with fifth-year options, with an eye on eventually moving past the Deshaun Watson money. He admits people might call that stupid, then defends it anyway. The quarterback talk is blunter. If a fan is done with Sanders and Watson, what is the realistic alternative, with prospects like Arch Manning and Dante Moore having gone back instead of coming out? The same stretch separates what the team is chasing from what fans actually care about, arguing that six wins versus eight barely matters to someone watching from home. Free agency gets its turn too, and Big Mike drops in while the free-agent pickups on the line and at linebacker get a thumbs up. The Cavs playoff chase and March Madness show up across the March and April titles, and the Guardians appear in the rundown as well. Food has a department of its own. The opening bills Fat Boy Tuesday as the show's food corner, and titles mention Oreo madness and mid beer. One rundown even saves room for a top three of favorite records or albums. The mistakes are left in. An intro gets botched after a week off, technical difficulties get an apology, and one opening is declared a 'Fatty fail' before the show has properly started. The sign-offs are warmer than the rest, thanking troops and first responders and saying outright that the show is steering clear of politics. It suits someone who wants Cleveland sports argued in plain fan language, with snacks close at hand.