Why Parenting Feels So Hard- and What You Can Do About It with Kat Sabath

·47 min·4 clips

The former Surgeon General warns 41% of parents are so stressed they can't function—here’s a nine-domain framework to pinpoint why.

Deb Flashenberg opens the episode by noting her repeated focus on parental stress, citing a former Surgeon General warning. She introduces guest Kat Sabath, a therapist, coach, and yoga teacher who founded The Family Well. Kat explains her background as an elementary school teacher during COVID, yoga teacher training, and becoming a parent in 2022, which led her to combine clinical social work with holistic tools. She describes working in a residential trauma facility, where she learned that helping clients feel physically safe was key, applying those principles to parents with 'lowercase t trauma.' Kat details a grounding technique involving the five senses to manage stress, like naming blue objects when overwhelmed by children's needs. She defines nervous system regulation, distinguishing between the autonomic (fight-or-flight) and parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) systems. The Surgeon General's 2024 'Parents Under Pressure' report is highlighted, with statistics showing high stress levels among parents. Deb and Kat analyze modern parenting pressures, including over-information, social media, and reduced childhood independence compared to past generations. Kat presents her nine domains of family wellness—identity, philosophy, partnership, physical wellness, support, mental wellness, knowledge, parent-child relationship, and logistics—as a tool to pinpoint stress sources. She shares a personal example of back pain after a C-section affecting her motherhood experience. Kat discusses how clarifying parenting philosophy (e.g., her SLIMS acronym: Safe, Loved, Independence, Maintain Sanity) reduces decision burnout and nervous system activation. Common misconceptions about stress management are addressed, such as over-reliance on exercise without cooling down or using busyness as avoidance. Deb shares her 'breathing snacks' hack involving pranayama and psoas release. Kat advises that meditation doesn't require long sessions, citing her five-minute car meditations after trauma work, and cautions against overhyped practices like cold plunges without intentional regulation. In closing, Kat encourages new parents to maintain their personal interests and identity, scheduling self-care activities post-birth to enhance parenting joy.

As heard by us

A clear, grounded review of parental stress, regulation, and the pressure to perfect every parenting choice.

Deb Flaschenberg frames parenting stress through nervous-system regulation, focusing on the everyday pressures that can make being present for children feel unusually hard.

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Why you'd press play

When parenting advice has become another source of stress, you may want a calmer way to sort through it.

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