Conflict Resilience: Turning Disagreement into Growth and Connection

·51 min·5 clips

A Harvard Law professor noticed classroom conversations shifting from interesting and conflicted to dull and boring over the last decade.

The episode begins with host Dr. Elise Cortez introducing herself as an organizational psychologist and management consultant. She welcomes guests Robert Bordone, a senior fellow at Harvard Law School and founder of the Harvard Negotiation and Mediation Clinical Program, and Dr. Joelle Salinas, a behavioral neurologist at NYU Grossman School of Medicine and founder of Isaac Health. They discuss their collaborative book, 'Conflict Resilience: Negotiating Disagreement Without Giving Up or Giving In'. Bordone shares that the idea for the book started a decade ago when he noticed a shift in classroom conversations at Harvard Law School from diverse and conflicted to dull and boring, attributing it to increased avoidance due to fears of online cancellation. Salinas approaches the topic from a brain health perspective, noting rising rates of social isolation and loneliness as major health risks. The conversation covers why people avoid conflict, with Salinas explaining the brain's default 'five F's' reactions (fight, flight, freeze, etc.) to perceived threats. Bordone adds that social media exacerbates this by rewarding non-engagement with likes and hearts. The authors then detail their three-part model for developing conflict resilience. The first step, 'name and dig deep', involves self-reflection to understand internal conflicts and conflict tolerance levels, using examples like family holiday disputes. The second step, 'explore and be brave', focuses on deep listening and effective assertion, with research showing that good listening improves team innovation and brain function. The third step, 'commit and own', helps individuals decide whether to engage in or walk away from conflicts, emphasizing that conflict resilience does not mean enduring abuse. Throughout, personal anecdotes illustrate points, such as Cortez's own avoidance learned from her mother's multiple marriages. The episode concludes with takeaways on the importance of awareness and practice in handling conflict.

As heard by us

A grounded conversation that gives conflict a human scale, from holiday tension to a co-founder hiring decision.

Working on Purpose treats conflict as something that shows up inside ordinary family choices and shared work decisions, not as a separate professional problem. Renee McGinnis talks with Dr.

Read the full review in PlayNext →

Why you'd press play

You want calmer language for a holiday choice and a co-founder hiring debate before the conflict takes over the room.

Read the full recommendation in PlayNext →

Listen to the show on

Apple Podcasts Spotify

Play clips from this episode More from Working on Purpose