Welcome to Night Vale · Night Vale Presents

285 - April Fools

April 1, 2026·29 min·2 clips

Night Vale faces a referendum to decriminalize murder for citizens with a 'totally legitimate right' to kill.

The episode begins with a pre-show announcement from Jeffrey Cranor about upcoming European live shows for 'Murder Night in Blood Forest' and the return of Alice Isn't Dead on April 13th. Cecil opens the main segment by noting the continuing investigation into Marcus Vanston's locked-room murder and the stabbing of intern applicant Jalen Rutherford in the radio station lobby. The emotional impact of Jalen's murder is complicated by the arrival of his doppelganger, who has become a competent new intern. Cecil references Dana Cardinal's history of killing her own double with a stapler and going on to become mayor. A town hall has led to a ballot referendum proposing to decriminalize murder with 'legitimate reasons.' Dana visits the station seeking Jalen and mentions a support group called Doubles Anonymous for people who killed their double or are the double who replaced someone. Cecil delivers an April Fools' Day public service announcement describing elaborate pranks including cutting a neighbor's tires and telling a partner you're leaving to marry Daniel Radcliffe and returning ten years later. Cecil's arborist parade prank consists of actually organizing and running a real arborist parade. Dana raises doubts about whether she is herself or her own double, noting her memories don't always match others' recollections. New intern Jalen is sent on a hazing assignment to find the true name of God and returns with a thorough 14,000-entry spreadsheet noting that most gods freely disclose their names, and that one specific god is named Dale, a 47-year-old who owns a vape shop in Red Mesa. A traffic report imagines a listener who spots the person they love and debates whether following them around town is stalking. Dana and Jalen begin investigating Marcus Vanston's background and learn he was universally disliked, including by other angels who found him cold and unhelpful. He was intensely religious, framing all work outcomes through God's judgment, and would claw back charitable donations for petty reasons. A mysterious black sedan follows Dana and Jalen across Night Vale but they escape through an arborist's parade traffic jam. The sedan is revealed to belong to Ilana, Jalen's girlfriend from before he arrived in this world, who doesn't know he is a different version of the man she loved. Dana advises Jalen to confront her. The episode ends with Elise pranking Cecil with a fake tarantula—followed immediately by a real, smaller tarantula.

As heard by us

A station update turns into murder research, obsessive traffic, and a spreadsheet of several gods.

The episode folds tour news and podcast housekeeping into a murder investigation, a traffic update, and Jalen's return with a spreadsheet of several gods.

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Why you'd press play

A station-side mystery where Dana links two murders and Jalen comes back with a spreadsheet of gods.

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