2025-12-30 Guard Tower

·1 hr 23 min·5 clips

A man's foot gets wedged in a safety hole in the back room of a bowling alley while staff can't find him.

The episode consists of a long series of prank phone calls made to hotel front desks, presented as a live stream. It opens with a confusing snippet about someone stuck in a 'safety hole' in a bowling alley. The main content involves callers posing as guests or filmmakers with increasingly bizarre requests. Early calls focus on filming 'drifters'—described as social transients who can drive cars sideways—in hotel parking lots for a documentary with a 'Ghostbusters' plot. This escalates to offers to hand out sealed liquor bottles and machetes to hotel guests, justified as charitable or humorous acts. Mid-episode, a caller claims to have smoked 'indoor cigarettes' in a room and seeks advice on avoiding fees, leading to a prolonged discussion about using urine and baking soda to mask smells, with references to Reddit advice. Later, calls shift to obsessive inquiries about accessing 'the gap under the bed' for smoking and other activities, and then to demanding entry to non-existent hotel 'guard towers' or observation decks. The tone is consistently absurd and confrontational, with hotel staff responding with confusion, refusal, or policy explanations. The episode ends with the hosts thanking numerous Patreon supporters by name, listing creative usernames like 'Dairy Mac' and 'Toxic Waste'. The format is unstructured, relying on the surreal humor of the interactions without narrative progression.

As heard by us

Indoor cigarettes become a surprisingly durable problem for a hotel front desk.

Guard Tower makes a handful of ordinary phone calls feel like a tiny stage for escalating nonsense. A trapped foot in a safety hole, a hotel front desk fielding talk of parking-lot drifting for a music video, and a caller insisting regular cigarettes were sold as indoor-safe all…

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Why you'd press play

For anyone who wants a hotel front desk to take "indoor cigarettes" with full procedural seriousness.

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