Thanks, I Hate Myself: The Problem with Compliments

·48 min·4 clips

Jeremie reveals his clinical depression has muted the warmth he feels when receiving compliments.

Jeremie and Bryde open the episode with a personal exchange where Jeremie receives a compliment about his podcast production skills. He reflects that his clinical depression has muted the warmth he feels from such praise compared to years prior. The hosts then introduce a BBC article titled 'Why it's so hard for some people to accept compliments,' which serves as the episode's framework. They discuss common societal advice on accepting compliments, such as simply saying 'thank you' or owning one's strengths. The conversation shifts to problematic compliments, including those based on stereotypes like 'you're articulate for a woman,' which can promote anger and confrontation according to linked studies. Bryde highlights neuroscience research showing that appearance-based compliments can slow thinking and impair cognitive performance, citing a study where students did worse on math tests after receiving such praise. The hosts explore cultural differences, noting that in some Nigerian communities, compliments may be seen as threats due to beliefs in envy and witchcraft, while in Germany, people often compliment the compliment itself. They also touch on Japanese and Chinese cultural norms around modesty and improvement-focused feedback. The episode delves into psychological factors, explaining how people with low self-esteem may experience dissonance when praised and how power imbalances can make compliments awkward. Bryde references research by developmental psychologist Brummelman, showing that inflated praise can harm children with low self-esteem by setting unrealistic expectations. The hosts conclude by advocating for 'common sense' in giving compliments—being specific and judicious rather than overpraising. They end with humorous suggestions for poorly accepting compliments, like deflecting or responding with self-deprecation, before wrapping up with New Year's reflections and podcast promotion.

As heard by us

A candid look at why praise can feel good, distract the mind, and leave one bad review looming larger than 500 kind ones.

Turn Me On gives compliments a more uneasy hearing than the subject first suggests. The hosts start from the simple warmth of being thanked, then follow praise into murkier territory: how one bad review can crowd out 500 kind ones, or how appearance-based praise may leave…

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Why you'd press play

Press play when a kind word feels good for five seconds, then your brain starts filing complaints.

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