Therapy Chat · Laura Reagan, LCSW-C

474: Complex Trauma + Death Of A Parent with Amber Trejo

March 17, 2025·37 min·3 clips

Amber Trejo shares how brushing her dying mother's hair to a worship song became a heartbreaking moment of unmet longing.

This episode of Therapy Chat features host Laura Reagan and guest Amber Trejo, a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in complex trauma. They discuss their personal experiences as therapists navigating the death of a parent while also living with complex childhood trauma. Amber Trejo lost her mother, who had a history of alcoholism and was emotionally and physically abusive, while Laura Reagan lost her father, who was her primary caregiver. The conversation explores how grief can reactivate developmental trauma and attachment wounds, even after years of therapeutic work. Amber describes her mother's diagnosis of lung cancer, their period of reconnection, and the complicated emotions that arose as her mother's health declined. Laura shares details of her father's passing at age 84 after a health scare five years prior, which allowed for some reconciliation. A central theme is the longing of "younger parts" for parental comfort that was never received, even during a parent's final days. Amber recounts brushing her dying mother's hair while listening to music, hoping for a mutual moment of connection that did not materialize. Both hosts discuss the societal pressure to "move on" from grief and the internalized belief that deep healing should prevent painful feelings. They share personal strategies for processing grief, such as Amber intentionally listening to 90s country music to connect with her mother's memory. The episode has a vulnerable, conversational, and normalizing tone, emphasizing shared human experience over clinical expertise. Listeners who are therapists, adult survivors of childhood trauma, or anyone grieving a complicated parental relationship would find resonance in this discussion. Those seeking a strictly clinical, detached analysis of grief may find the personal narrative style less appealing.

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