The Vibration Fit Podcast · Jordan & Vanessa Buckingham

Episode 12: I’m Not Going to Punish Myself for Your Perspective

·38 min·3 clips

Vanessa explains how she refused to punish her children or herself for a stranger's angry perspective on a flight.

The episode begins with Jordan and Vanessa Buckingham describing a family trip returning from Park City, Utah to Tampa, Florida with their three children. They set up the airplane seating arrangement, with Jordan initially joking about Vanessa taking all the kids. The actual configuration had Jordan with two children and an infant, while Vanessa sat across the aisle. The children were laughing and playing loudly before takeoff, which led to a confrontation. A woman sitting in front of them turned around and angrily told them to control their children, suggesting they use tablets to quiet them. Vanessa responded calmly, saying the children were just laughing and offering to help the woman find another seat. This incident sparked a deeper discussion. Vanessa realized she wasn't going to punish her children or herself for someone else's perspective. Jordan introduced the principle that every attack comes from a point of insecurity, and that defending oneself doesn't soothe that insecurity. They explored three possible responses to an attack: going on the defense, attacking back, or maintaining a neutral stance. The neutral stance allows one to stay above the 'green line' of emotional well-being. Vanessa reflected on her personal growth, feeling grateful for the experience because it showed her how resilient she has become over ten years. They connected this to the law of allowing, which involves letting others be themselves without taking offense. The hosts discussed how this applies to parenting, relationships, and societal pressures to fit in. They mentioned experiences in Japan where cultural norms emphasize not standing out. Jordan shared that he is 'unoffendable' due to practicing the law of allowing. The episode concludes with Vanessa stating she now uses the framework 'I'm not going to punish myself for your perspective' regularly.

As heard by us

A useful reset for defensiveness, rooted in a messy family flight.

The episode uses a family airplane mishap to frame a plainspoken look at defensiveness, insecurity, and the habit of assuming the worst. It stays close to everyday detail, with a flight from Park City, Utah to Tampa, Florida, three children, and a seat setup that quickly turns…

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Why you'd press play

For the moments when someone else's reaction is really about their insecurity, not your intent.

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