THE VIBRANT SURVIVOR -How to Identify a Narcissist, Narcissistic Abuse, Toxic Relationships, Trauma Healing, Health, Wellness · Lesley Cain - Health and Wellness Coach, Trauma Informed Coach, Healthy Boundaries Coach

165. 7 Ways Narcissists Test Your Boundaries (And How to Protect Yourself)

·22 min

Leslie starts by guiding the listener into a 4 for 8 breathing exercise and asking for feet on the floor and shoulders relaxed before getting into it. The point is simple: regulate first, then listen. She then frames the conversation around a survivor truth that can be hard to ignore once seen: narcissists rarely respect a boundary the first time they meet it. They test it. If someone has ever walked away from an interaction feeling confused, guilty, or unsure of what just happened, this conversation is for them. The tone stays intimate and direct. Leslie shares her own history of being caught by lies, manipulation, and moving goalposts, and connects that pattern to the anxiety, panic attacks, and insomnia that followed. From there, she walks through several ways narcissists test boundaries. One is acting offended or playing the victim when a line is drawn. Another is pulling other people into the drama so the pressure gets heavier. She describes a family situation before her rehearsal dinner where multiple relatives seemed to pile on, and that scene carried a heavy feeling of guilt and self-doubt. She also describes boundary testing through small violations. Those can look harmless from the outside. They can be lateness, dragging things out, oversharing, or subtle disrespect meant to see what someone will tolerate. In her own story, the disrespect aimed at her husband-to-be was not subtle at all. She remembers wild accusations and the strange feeling of being in a bad movie. The episode then turns to gaslighting. Leslie explains how people may later deny what happened or act as if the earlier harm never existed. She recalls a later family visit after the wedding when that denial showed up again. Her dad tried to smooth things over and behave as if the hotel incidents had not happened. She says she confronted him about it. Through the episode, Leslie keeps returning to the same emotional logic. Boundary testing is not random awkwardness. It is a control move. It is about seeing where the line is and whether it will hold. She emphasizes that a survivor does not need agreement to enforce a boundary. They need clarity. They need consistency. They need the willingness to hold their ground. She closes by reminding listeners that boundaries are how power is reclaimed. The episode ends with encouragement to keep going, keep discerning, and keep trusting the body when something feels off. She also invites listeners to share the show, leave a review, and connect on social media if it has helped make sense of what they are dealing with.

As heard by us

Boundary-testing is explained clearly, with a breathing reset and vivid personal examples.

The episode looks at how narcissists test boundaries and why that can leave people confused, guilty, or unsure about what actually happened. It starts with a 4 for 8 breathing exercise, then moves into concrete examples like small violations and gaslighting reality, which keeps…

Read the full review in PlayNext →

Why you'd press play

Spot the small boundary tests before they pull you back in.

Read the full recommendation in PlayNext →

Listen to the show on

Apple Podcasts Spotify