The Take · The Roost

Are Parasocial Relationships Making Us Miserable, On Screen & In Real Life?

November 7, 2025·15 min·1 clip

When does being a fan cross the line into making us miserable through parasocial relationships?

The episode opens by framing fandom as a generally positive force that creates community and creative outlets, while acknowledging that the internet and social media have intensified fan behavior in ways that raise serious questions. The host distinguishes between regular fandom, which is symbiotic and relatively healthy, and standom, a more obsessive form whose name derives from an Eminem song about a fan who loses his grip on reality. Over time, 'stan' has softened in common usage to mean simply a very dedicated fan, and stan communities have channeled their intensity into support networks and social advocacy. However, the host notes that the desire to control the celebrity — not just consume their output — remains a defining and troubling feature of intense standom. The episode then introduces the concept of parasocial relationships, defined in a 1956 paper by Donald Horton and R. Richard Wall as the illusion of a face-to-face relationship with a performer created by mass media. The host explains how radio, film, and television transformed the fan-celebrity dynamic by bringing performers into domestic spaces and enabling repeated viewing, deepening emotional attachment. Parasocial relationships are appealing, the host argues, because they allow fans to feel connected to admired figures, live vicariously through their wealth and fame, and control the narrative since the celebrity's true personality is unknown. Almost Famous is used to illustrate how fans with very different self-images — journalist, music lover, groupie — ultimately play the same supporting role, and how painful it is when that investment is not reciprocated. The host then examines the darker end of the spectrum, arguing that the most intense parasocial relationships are less about romantic desire and more about a compulsive need to control every aspect of a celebrity's life. Fans in this mode fold contradictory evidence into conspiracy thinking, insisting the celebrity was 'forced' into choices they disapprove of. The Japanese thriller Perfect Blue is cited as a cinematic extreme: a fan so disturbed by a J-pop idol's career pivot that they attempt to kill and replace her. The episode details how intense parasocial relationships harm fans themselves by crowding out real relationships and creating impossible life standards, harm celebrities through harassment and stalking, and harm other fans by creating an atmosphere of fear around any criticism. The host quotes a celebrity speaking out against the normalization of stalking and harassment as an occupational hazard. Social media is identified as a complicating factor, making celebrities feel more accessible while also exposing them to parasocial fans who are not directly reaching out but whose collective pressure shapes how celebrities live. The episode then pivots to the positive dimensions of parasocial relationships, returning to Horton and Wall's original framing of the phenomenon as a curious social quirk rather than an inherent pathology. A 2022 study finding that 51% of Americans exhibit parasocial behavior is cited to normalize the experience, with examples including sadness at a TV character's death or happiness at a favorite actor's award win. When kept at a realistic level, parasocial relationships can provide a sense of being understood, help fans find like-minded communities, and inspire people to pursue their own goals by seeing a celebrity's life as a positive model. The episode concludes by emphasizing that the existence of a parasocial relationship is not the problem — the degree of intensity and disconnection from reality is what determines whether it becomes harmful.

As heard by us

A clear, measured look at how parasocial fandom can comfort, connect, and sometimes curdle.

The Take frames parasocial fandom as both a screen-culture phenomenon and an everyday emotional habit, beginning with the ordinary joy of being intensely into a show, performer, or character before asking where that attachment starts to become harder to carry.

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Why you'd press play

When fandom starts to feel like a relationship, not just a habit.

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