The Relationship Recovery Podcast · Tiffany Denny, Kierstyn Franklin

Why we Stay too Long in Unhealthy Relationships

·40 min·2 clips

A trauma bond can form through repeated high highs and low lows in romantic relationships.

1. The Relationship Recovery Podcast episode “Why we Stay too Long in Unhealthy Relationships” focuses on why people remain in toxic relationships after they already know something is wrong. 2. Kirsten Franklin and Tiffany Denny host the show and speak from their own relationship-recovery work, which they say helps people “heal, but thrive in all areas of your life.” 3. The episode asks what keeps someone in a harmful relationship even when leaving seems obvious from the outside. 4. Fear of being alone is presented as one major reason, with the hosts saying the subconscious pushes people back toward what feels familiar. 5. They connect that fear to low self-esteem, self-doubt, and the habit of telling yourself “I don’t deserve better” in order to stay in the known pattern. 6. Kirsten and Tiffany say unhealthy relationship patterns often repeat because they are linked to childhood conditioning, not because the person is broken. 7. They also note that healthy relationships can feel uncomfortable at first because peace and consistency may be unfamiliar. 8. The discussion turns to trauma bonds and the cycle of abuse as a separate reason people stay. 9. Tiffany defines the pattern as “really high highs and really low lows” that can make someone feel addicted to another person. 10. She names the cycle stages as love bombing, devaluing, discarding, and hoovering, and says each pass can make the bond stronger. 11. The hosts say trauma bonds can take years to break and mention research that puts the process at “up to seven years.” 12. Financial dependence comes up as another major barrier, especially for people who are stay-at-home parents or who fear losing housing and stability for children. 13. They say financial abuse is one of the main tools used to keep people in domestic violence situations. 14. Codependency is described as caring more about the other person’s emotional state than your own and self-abandoning to keep the relationship going. 15. Kirsten breaks codependency into people-pleasing and rescuing, which she uses as a simple self-check. 16. Shared history, memory, and gaslighting are addressed through the “book of truths,” a notebook where the hosts recommend writing down events and conversations to keep track of what actually happened. 17. The tone is direct, practical, and reflective, with the hosts moving between personal examples, client stories, and concrete tools like the checklist and course. 18. The format is conversational and instructional, with both hosts interrupting, clarifying, and adding examples from coaching and lived experience. 19. Best for listeners questioning a relationship, repeating patterns, or supporting someone in one. 20. Probably skippable for listeners wanting light relationship advice without trauma or pattern work.

As heard by us

A plainspoken, patient look at why unhealthy relationships can feel harder to leave than they should.

The episode treats why people stay in unhealthy relationships as a habit of thought, not a puzzle to solve from a distance. Kirsten Franklin and Tiffany Denny move through the familiar pull of fear, low self-esteem, and the comfort of what is known.

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Why you'd press play

If you keep circling the familiar and want to understand why, press play.

Read the full recommendation in PlayNext →

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