The Relationship Recovery Podcast · Tiffany Denny, Kierstyn Franklin

Triggered! Understanding Common Relationship Triggers & How to Handle Them

·41 min·1 clip

Like a house-fire survivor reacting to a birthday candle—trauma memory overrides reality

Kirsten Franklin and Tiffany Denny, founders of The Relationship Recovery, explore how past wounds can cause disproportionate emotional reactions in our current partnerships. They define a trigger as a word, action, or situation that evokes a strong, mismatched emotional response rooted in past trauma. The hosts list five common triggers: fear of abandonment, criticism or perceived rejection, control, feeling ignored or unseen, and trust issues from betrayal. They illustrate abandonment triggers with a client who, due to early loss and adoption, bombards people with texts when they don't reply quickly. For criticism, they note how a harsh tone can trigger defensiveness, often linked to past verbal abuse or childhood experiences. A personal example involves Tiffany feeling controlled by her husband's questions about spending, a trigger from a previous marriage. The feeling of being unseen is often tied to childhood emotional neglect, manifesting as physical tension in the chest or throat. For trust issues, Kirsten shares her own journey of learning to distrust not her partner, but the people around him after infidelity. A key insight is that a trigger is an "invitation to heal," not a sign of being broken. They use an analogy of a house fire survivor panicking at a birthday candle to explain how the body remembers past trauma. The hosts emphasize you are responsible for your own healing, even as you can ask a partner for supportive communication. They describe successful healing as making the traumatic memory feel like an "empty file" that no longer evokes intense emotion. A surprising claim is that the core wound is often a seemingly small, early event, like not being picked for a kickball team, which later traumas build upon. Kirsten confidently states their coaching can guide anyone to process and release these triggers, regardless of the trauma's size. They advise using somatic tools like rocking or walking for bilateral stimulation to calm the nervous system when triggered. The final step in management is to communicate your triggers to a partner, noting that a partner using them against you is a major red flag. The tone is encouraging, educational, and conversational, blending client stories with the hosts' personal experiences. The style is coaching-oriented, frequently promoting their paid services and community. Listeners struggling with intense arguments that feel disproportionate to the current situation will find immediate value. Anyone who feels "broken" by their relationship baggage will appreciate the destigmatizing framework. Those seeking quick, narrative-driven entertainment without a self-help focus might want to skip.

As heard by us

Kirsten Franklin and Tiffany Denny treat relationship triggers as normal, then offer practical ways to notice and manage them.

Kirsten Franklin and Tiffany Denny treat relationship triggers as common, not something to be ashamed of. They stay on the practical side of the issue: notice what gets stirred up before blame takes over, name triggers like abandonment, criticism, control, and rejection, and use…

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Why you'd press play

If relationship triggers keep catching you off guard, start here before the conversation gets bigger.

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