The Motyv Podcast · Shayden J. Bertagnolli MS LMFT Men's Mental Health Expert

The Motyv Podcast Episode 8 | Breaking Free: Escaping the Vicious Cycle of Unhelpful Patterns

·30 min·1 clip

Blake says pornography often began as a soother before it became a problem.

1. The Motyv Podcast Episode 8, 'Breaking Free: Escaping the Vicious Cycle of Unhelpful Patterns,' centers on how therapy maps behavioral loops. 2. Shaden Bertinoli and Blake Altom host the episode as Motyv therapists, and they also mention Jordan, Steve, and Sadie as part of the team. 3. The episode asks what a pattern is for, and the answer is that it helps explain repeated behaviors by tracing triggers to core beliefs. 4. Shaden says he noticed a client's core beliefs and started sketching the pattern in his notebook during a session. 5. Blake describes his usual order as triggers, then emotions, then thoughts, then behaviors, while Shaden often starts with triggers and thoughts. 6. They use pornography as the main example and say the same diagram can also apply to alcohol, drugs, avoidance, and isolation. 7. Blake says patterns usually appear around distressing behaviors, not single incidents, because the same thing keeps happening. 8. The hosts contrast incidents with patterns and argue that awareness starts to break the cycle. 9. They define core beliefs with examples like 'never be a burden,' 'I'm not enough,' and 'I'm too much.' 10. Shaden explains that a belief like 'I'm too much' can turn a normal reaction from Shelly into shame, isolation, and more self-criticism. 11. He says dormant beliefs become active when something in daily life triggers them. 12. The episode returns repeatedly to the idea that men often try to change behavior without understanding why the behavior started. 13. Blake says pornography often began as a 'soother' and an 'attempted solution' to deeper pain. 14. He connects that idea to boys and teenagers who were lonely and had no one to turn to. 15. The hosts say connection is 'the cure' and call it the 'greatest addiction tool' a person can have. 16. They cite a TED Talk line that the cure for addiction is connection, then apply it to healthy relationships. 17. Shaden says progress looks like noticing triggers, thoughts, emotions, and reaching out before the behavior starts. 18. The tone is conversational and clinical, with back-and-forth clarification, examples, and a few jokes like 'Brohug.com.' 19. Men working on pornography, shame, or isolation would likely benefit from this episode. 20. Listeners wanting quick advice without therapy language may skip it.

As heard by us

A plainspoken look at triggers, shame, and coping habits that once felt like relief.

The episode starts with a practical clarification: they are still doing therapy, still seeing clients, and still trying to help men move out of shame loops.

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Why you'd press play

When shame keeps turning temptation into a spiral, this gives you a cleaner way in.

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