The Motyv Podcast · Shayden J. Bertagnolli MS LMFT Men's Mental Health Expert

The Motyv Podcast Episode 24 | Overcoming Shame and Finding True Belonging

·45 min·3 clips

Blake says the truest opposite of shame is vulnerability.

1. The Motyv Podcast episode centers on the claim that the opposite of anxiety is not calm, but trust. 2. Shaden Bertinoli and Blake Altham, both licensed marriage and family therapists, use a live conversation to test ideas about discipline, shame, belonging, and service. 3. The episode asks what people are actually seeking when they chase calm, approval, or achievement. 4. Shaden says ChatGPT described the opposite of discipline as “indulgence,” and he uses that answer to open a larger framework about opposites. 5. Shaden argues that anxiety is often misread as a feeling problem, when he sees it as a state that can be answered by trust in God. 6. Blake adds a reference to the book “The Comfort Crisis,” saying that “the more comfortable we are, the less satisfied we are.” 7. The conversation ties “carnal security” from Second Nephi to the idea that people can believe they are safe when their needs are simply being met. 8. Shaden and Blake contrast horizontal belonging with vertical belonging, saying belonging with God differs from seeking approval from peers. 9. Shaden says belonging is a vertical principle tied to covenant relationship with God, while horizontal belonging becomes a search for worth from other people. 10. They connect that framework to men who keep adapting case by case to fit in with groups and then feel exhausted by the effort. 11. Blake says the opposite of depression is not only happiness, but acceptance, because depression can grow from continual rejection and denial. 12. Shaden reframes the usual goal from stopping bad behavior to seeking purity, which he says changes the focus of change. 13. The conversation turns to service, and Blake says his own identity with God has been shaped by habits like prayer, scripture study, and serving others. 14. Blake says service is paradoxical because “giving yourself and finding yourself” happen together. 15. Shaden adds a family example with his daughter Nia and says hidden agendas show up when people give only to get something back. 16. The episode links exhaustion to self-focused motives and says genuine service energizes the soul even when it physically tires the body. 17. The tone is conversational and reflective, with both hosts speaking in a casual, back-and-forth style. 18. The format moves from examples and scripture references to direct counseling applications, including pornography, self-talk, and compassion. 19. Listeners interested in faith, therapy, shame, and men’s growth will get the most from it. 20. Listeners wanting a fast entertainment episode or light banter may skip it.

As heard by us

A thoughtful discussion of discipline, belonging, and the cost of living inward.

The episode opens by setting discipline against indulgence, then uses that tension to examine self-control, belonging, approval, and the risk of using other people as a source of comfort.

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Why you'd press play

If discipline feels less like grit and more like an outward way of living, this gives it a cleaner edge.

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