Devon Kuntzman on Parenting Through Toddler Chaos Without Losing Your Mind

·44 min·4 clips

Devon explains why labeling toddler hitting as 'bad' misses the real communication behind the behavior.

Renee Reina hosts Devon Kuntzman on The Mom Room to discuss parenting toddlers. Devon explains her background in child development and nannying, which led her to create Transforming Toddlerhood after realizing parents and toddlers often miscommunicate. She identifies the toddler years as under-supported compared to infancy. Devon defines toddlerhood as ages one to four, split into young toddlers (1-2) with limited expressive language and older toddlers (3-4) with better language but similar struggles. The conversation covers why toddler years are hard, citing children's need to become independent individuals, which challenges parental control. Devon advocates shifting from labeling behavior as 'bad' to seeing it as communication of unmet needs. A key example is hitting, which toddlers use to express feelings before they can talk. Devon advises responding to hitting by ensuring safety, getting curious about the cause, and teaching skills rather than punishing. The host shares a personal story about a public meltdown in a Lego store, leading to a discussion on social pressure and parental self-criticism. Devon encourages normalizing toddler behavior and remembering that bystanders' reactions often reflect their own triggers. She emphasizes that all emotions are valid, even if behaviors need addressing. Devon shares a four-step process for relationship repair after parental outbursts: own your behavior, own the impact, apologize, and do a redo. She highlights the importance of modeling emotional regulation for toddlers. Devon also discusses an overlooked discipline tool: focusing on and acknowledging desired behaviors to train both parent and child brains positively. She relates this to relationship dynamics in marriage. The episode includes multiple ad breaks for sponsors like Talkspace, Skims, and Little Spoon. Devon concludes by promoting her book, 'Transforming Toddlerhood,' which features 45 short chapters on toddler challenges, with pre-order bonuses available.

As heard by us

Toddler behavior is treated as something to understand first, not a label to slap on.

The Mom Room presents toddler behavior as something to understand before it gets labeled, and that framing gives the discussion its edge. Through examples like hitting, biting, bath refusals, and toy grabbing, it keeps returning to the same idea: adults should first ask what is…

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Why you'd press play

For when toddler behavior feels like a small domestic siege.

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