How to forgive yourself

·42 min·4 clips

Why did a philosopher start studying forgiveness after the Charleston church shooting?

["The episode begins with Sean Illing introducing returning guest Myesha Cherry, a philosophy professor at UC Riverside who studies moral psychology.", "Cherry explains her interest in forgiveness stemmed from studying anger and observing public discourse around events like the Charleston church shooting.", "She felt victims' forgiveness of a white supremacist was misinterpreted, and questions about forgiving police were misplaced.", "Illing shifts focus to self-forgiveness, asking if it differs from forgiving others.", "Cherry defines forgiveness broadly as letting go of anger or contempt for purposes like repair or release, applying the same framework to oneself.", "Illing notes a key difference: you must live with yourself, making self-forgiveness more urgent.", "Cherry agrees, arguing while forgiving others is optional, self-forgiveness is eventually necessary for flourishing.", "Illing questions who has the right to forgive oneself, since typically the victim forgives.", "Cherry explains that by harming others, we often indirectly harm ourselves or our moral projects, giving us standing to forgive ourselves.", "Illing shares a personal example: feeling shame over being selfish and skipping family events for trivial reasons like motorcycle rides.", "Cherry analyzes this, distinguishing guilt (about actions) from shame (about identity), citing Aristotle that character requires repeated actions.", "She suggests Illing might be experiencing guilt rather than shame, prompting self-reflection.", "Illing admits it took him too long to change, and he may never have fully forgiven himself.", "Cherry reveals her own selfishness, justifying neglect of family for career reasons, and realizing it was wrong.", "She advocates using regret constructively to motivate better future behavior rather than rumination.", "The discussion escalates as Illing mentions the Epstein files, comparing his actions to a physician who prioritized Jeffrey Epstein over his family.", "Cherry acknowledges some acts might warrant shame due to their reasons, not just the act itself.", "Illing asks if anything is unforgivable, and Cherry discusses when shame might be appropriate, especially in political contexts.", "She concludes with advice: beating yourself up doesn't undo wrongs, but learning and vowing to do better can recreate a better world.", "Cherry encourages listeners to see themselves as worthy of self-love and second chances, facilitating self-forgiveness."]

As heard by us

A careful episode on shame, character, and why one horrible act need not define a whole person.

Self-forgiveness turns on a distinction that is easy to state and harder to live with: doing something horrible does not automatically make someone a horrible person.

Read the full review in PlayNext →

Why you'd press play

Can a horrible act define a whole person?

Read the full recommendation in PlayNext →

Listen to the show on

Apple Podcasts Spotify

Play clips from this episode More from The Gray Area with Sean Illing