The Christian Habits Podcast · Barb Raveling

Kristen Strong: How to Make and Keep Friends

·32 min·2 clips

Kristen Strong discovered she had no idea how to make friends after moving to Ohio, forcing her to learn initiation.

This episode features author Kristen Strong discussing her book "Desperate Woman Seeks Friends" with host Barb Raveling. Strong draws from her experiences as a former military wife who moved frequently and initially struggled to form connections. She explains that her childhood in a small Oklahoma town did not prepare her for the intentional effort required to make friends as an adult in new locations. Strong identifies modern challenges to friendship, including increased individualism, social media providing superficial connection, and a cultural de-prioritization of friendship since even C.S. Lewis's time. She cites research indicating the pandemic worsened loneliness and notes parents today spend twice as much time with children than past generations, leaving less time for adult friendships. Her framework for making friends involves "showing up, opening up, and praying up." Showing up means going to repeatable events like church or exercise classes where you might meet people. Opening up involves inviting people into your home, which she calls a "fast track" to deeper connection. Praying up means specifically asking God for guidance and opportunities in friendship. A surprising insight is that loneliness carries health risks comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day, contributing to conditions like heart disease. Strong challenges the assumption that people who have lived somewhere for decades are not open to new friends, as life circumstances constantly change. She shares a personal story where a friend named Jen lovingly pointed out her critical spirit, which helped Strong grow. The conversation also touches on Jesus's example of investing in relationships, even with Judas, and the idea that we should ask ourselves, "What's it like to be my friend?" The tone is conversational, encouraging, and grounded in Christian faith, with both host and guest sharing personal anecdotes. This episode is ideal for Christian listeners feeling lonely, new to a community, or in a life transition seeking practical, faith-based friendship advice. Listeners who prefer secular self-help or are not interested in religious perspectives might choose to skip it.

As heard by us

A plainspoken look at friendship, change, and the work of staying open to people.

The episode keeps its focus on the everyday work of friendship: moving, settling in again, reaching out, and not assuming someone is too busy to care.

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Why you'd press play

When friendship feels harder than it should, this conversation gives you room to breathe.

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