SXY Radiance: The Podcast · Angelica, Sexual Radiance Coach

Ep. 22: "Love By Design...6 ingredients to Build a Lifetime of Love", a conversation Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh on her latest book. Get ready to learn how to create and/or enhance, a SXY love that lasts over time and thrives!

·1 hr 1 min·5 clips

Dr. Sarah's panic attack made her question her 'perfect' marriage, sparking a two-decade research journey.

This episode features host Angelica Gutierrez and guest Dr. Sarah Nasser Zadeh, a social psychologist and author specializing in relationships. Dr. Nasser Zadeh discusses her book "Love by Design," which presents six ingredients for lasting love based on two decades of research. Her work aims to build "world peace one relationship at a time" and has been featured by major media outlets. The conversation begins with Dr. Nasser Zadeh's personal inspiration, recalling how a psychologist's question about her "perfect" marriage led to deeper self-examination. She explains her professional mission to move beyond anecdotal advice by synthesizing research and clinical observations from 41 countries. A key tool she developed is the "relationship panoramic inventory," a 30-minute assessment using 12 validated scales that provides couples with a 28-page report. This inventory compares partners' scores on elements like respect and compassion to reveal discrepancies. Dr. Nasser Zadeh advocates for using such tools for preventative "annual checkups," not just crisis intervention. She shares that couples often seek therapy for reasons beyond pathology, such as desiring a neutral space to focus on the relationship without distractions. The six core ingredients for thriving relationships are attraction, respect, trust, shared vision, compassion, and loving behaviors. She redefines these common terms based on her research, arguing that conventional understanding is insufficient. A significant insight is that attraction is not solely about sexual chemistry but encompasses what one is drawn to or repelled by based on personal history. She introduces the "puzzle of attraction," noting individuals have multiple identities and roles that evolve over time. Dr. Nasser Zadeh warns against the "submergent love" model where "one plus one equals one," which causes partners to lose themselves. She proposes a model of "emergent love" where "one plus one equals three," preserving individual identities within the union. She identifies four key relational resources—time, attention, money, and energy—that must be intentionally allocated to maintain balance. The discussion cautions against "trauma bonding," where couples bond primarily over shared pain, which can erode attraction and lead to stagnant, parent-child dynamics. Dr. Nasser Zadeh emphasizes that relationships require continuous re-evaluation as people grow and change, not a static set of behaviors. The tone is conversational and educational, blending personal anecdotes with clinical expertise and research findings. The host engages with examples from the book, creating an accessible dialogue about relational theory. Listeners interested in relationship psychology, preventative couples work, and evidence-based approaches to love will find this episode valuable. Those seeking entertainment or quick fixes for immediate relationship crises might find the discussion too theoretical or research-focused.

As heard by us

A reflective conversation about attraction, comfort, and how desire shifts as people change over time.

This is a thoughtful look at attraction, using Love by Design as a starting point for a wider argument about how people change over time, even inside close relationships. Dr. Sarah Nasser Zadeh makes that point plainly, and Angelica Gutierrez keeps the conversation accessible.

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Why you'd press play

If attraction feels bigger than chemistry, this episode gives you a cleaner way to think about it.

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