Stoicism: Philosophy as a Way of Life Podcast · Donald J. Robertson

The Rescuer Trap: Treehouse of Sadness: Codependency and Depression

November 26, 2025·38 min·2 clips

Casey says, 'you cannot love someone into someone else.'

Casey Pearce brings up a sensitive question about dating someone with depression, and the hosts do not sidestep it. They say it can be hard in a literal sense, and the conversation even points to data suggesting that if you are in a relationship with someone with major depression, you are more likely than not to develop depression yourself. Casey connects the topic to the fixer impulse from their love-and-relationships conference and the Charlie Brown-with-depression idea. From there, they keep circling the rescuer pattern and the habit of writing off the first few repeats as a one-off when it is really the third or fourth time. Scott presses on whether the person with depression actually wants help. He argues that therapy looks very different when someone is showing up to save the relationship or just to make a partner happy, and that kind of buy-in often fades after a couple of months. They also note how little a therapist can do with incomplete or defensive information, especially if someone arrives quasi-mandated and says their partner is just neurotic. Casey jokes that this can turn into an expensive coffee date. Even so, they do not rule out change. They say transformation is possible, but it is a gamble, and if you are in that relationship you have to decide whether to take it. They also note that depression is a chronic condition, so someone who is willing to work on it may need periodic help within clear roles and boundaries. The conversation keeps a steady eye on that distinction between willing support and trying to carry someone who is unwilling and belligerent.

As heard by us

A practical look at when support becomes rescue, and why that line matters.

The episode keeps its focus on a hard, familiar problem: how to support a partner with depression without turning the relationship into a rescue project. Casey Pearce and Dr.

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Why you'd press play

If you keep confusing support with fixing, this one gives you a sharper line.

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