Spiritual Sexual Shamanic Podcast · International School of Temple Arts

The joy of others: unlocking compersion in relationships with Marie Thouin

·1 hr 8 min·4 clips

Compersion is "our wholehearted participation in the joy and happiness of others."

1. Spiritual Sexual Shamanic Podcast speaks with Dr. Marie Thouin about compersion in relationships. 2. Host Usha Rose, ISTA facilitator and organizer, interviews Marie Thouin, a mindful dating and relationship coach and author of What is Compersion? Understanding Positive Empathy in Consensually Non-Monogamous Relationships, because her research grounds the topic. 3. The episode asks what compersion means and how people can cultivate it in non-monogamous and everyday settings. 4. Thouin gives a short definition as "our wholehearted participation in the joy and happiness of others," then says "I'm happy that you're happy." 5. She and Dr. Sharon Flicker published the first Encyclopedia of Sexual Behavior and Psychology entry on compersion in the Springer encyclopedia. 6. Thouin breaks compersion into three definitions: positive emotions about a partner's other relationship, positive thoughts and behaviors when witnessing that happiness, and positive reactions to someone else's good fortune in any context. 7. She says the term came from Carista, an intentional polyamorous community in San Francisco that existed from the 1970s to the 1990s. 8. Thouin recounts the alphabet-board story, where the community asked for a name for the feeling and the word compersion emerged. 9. She says her interviews with non-monogamous people expanded the concept beyond emotion into cognition, attitude, and erotic feeling. 10. Her examples include a colleague's promotion, a child opening a gift, and a partner's other relationship. 11. Thouin says compersion can act as a north star for asking what it means to be "on the same team" with loved ones. 12. She warns that turning compersion into an orthodoxy can become "toxic positivity" and make people feel defective if they do not feel it. 13. She describes a friend who felt both compersion and envy during wedding planning and named that mix directly. 14. Thouin says a social-media success trigger can reveal beliefs like "more for them is less for me," which can be examined and changed. 15. She lists individual factors that support compersion, including ideological commitment to consensual non-monogamy and security within oneself. 16. She describes relational security, positive integration with metamors, gratitude for partners' other relationships, and community support as the remaining factors. 17. The interview style is conversational and reflective, with Usha Rose giving examples from her own relationships and asking follow-up questions. 18. Thouin answers with a research-based tone that moves between definitions, personal anecdotes, and practical frameworks. 19. People curious about polyamory, jealousy, and relationship skills will likely benefit. 20. Listeners wanting entertainment rather than relationship theory may skip it.

As heard by us

A patient, grounded look at compersion and the conditions that shape it.

Dr. Marie Towin's conversation with Usha Rose treats compersion as something lived, not merely defined: the effort to feel genuine joy for a partner's joy.

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Why you'd press play

Want a grounded way to think about compersion, jealousy, and partner joy?

Read the full recommendation in PlayNext →

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