Spiritual Sexual Shamanic Podcast · International School of Temple Arts

Doing Conflict Better: Lars Borgmann

·54 min·3 clips

Lars argues conflict is "a wonderful thing" and "part of life," not proof that something is wrong.

1. Spiritual Sexual Shamanic Podcast frames Lars Borgmann’s episode around "doing conflict better" and "healthy, loving conflict." 2. Usha Rose hosts Lars Borgmann, a systemic therapist, systemic-based organizational psychologist, and certified IAF facilitator and trainer from Denmark. 3. The episode asks how conflict can improve life instead of damaging it. 4. Lars says conflict is "hugely misinterpreted" and that many people assume conflict means someone did something wrong. 5. He argues that conflict is "a wonderful thing" and "part of life," not something that exists to "wipe us out." 6. He traces that belief back to childhood reactions, where adults often ask who did what first and who is to blame. 7. Lars contrasts conventional science with a systemic approach, saying people are too complex to be understood like bridges. 8. He says the only truth people can work with is the one they can agree about. 9. He gives examples of conflict around religion, Russia and Ukraine, and guru-like status in spiritual circles. 10. Lars introduces the two Swedish authors Barbro and Linae, whose book on conflict inspired his framework. 11. He says conflict usually contains several zones or territories, not one singular problem. 12. His first zone is the "backpack," a store of physical and emotional memories carried into every interaction. 13. He explains how a comment like "I don't like your personality" can activate years of pain and turn a small trigger into a large reaction. 14. Lars describes projection as the way people try to hand their pain to each other during conflict. 15. He says the second zone is relationship conflict, where nine out of ten issues are not really about the other person. 16. He says the third zone is systemic conflict, where context, unclear roles, and psychological contracts shape the fight. 17. The episode’s tone is teaching-oriented and conversational, with Usha repeatedly paraphrasing Lars’s framework to check understanding. 18. Lars uses concrete examples, repeated reframing, and strong language like "fucking willing to listen" to push the point. 19. People who want practical conflict-resolution tools for relationships, work, or facilitation should get value from this episode. 20. People looking for a light conversation or entertainment-first format may skip it.

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