Spirit of Recovery · Mind Body Spirit.fm

You Gotta Know When to Hold 'Em

September 27, 2022·39 min·3 clips

Michelle explains why she needed God's unconditional love to confront her deepest shame in recovery.

This episode of Spirit of Recovery explores the theme of purposeful living and self-awareness in addiction recovery, framed by the hosts as knowing "when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em." Hosts Rev. Dan Beckett and Rev. Michelle Vargas, both ordained Unity ministers with personal recovery journeys, share their experiences and spiritual perspectives. They discuss the transition from the self-centeredness and carelessness of active addiction to a life of intentional choice and clarity. The hosts describe their past behaviors, including putting themselves in dangerous situations and a lack of self-awareness, which Michelle links to undiagnosed chronic depression. They examine the paradox of using alcohol, a depressant, to numb depressive feelings. A key topic is the role of the 12-step program, specifically the practice of taking a personal inventory as outlined in the 10th step, to build self-understanding. Michelle emphasizes that early recovery involves gaining the ability to see how one's behavior impacts others, which was previously absent. They delve into the concept of "shadow work," or bringing unconscious trauma and shame into conscious awareness to heal it. The hosts stress that this deep psychological work requires a solid foundation, which they identify as the first three steps of the 12-step program. Michelle argues that believing in a loving higher power, as in step two, is crucial because it provides the unconditional love needed to confront one's "yucky stuff" without being overwhelmed by shame. Dan outlines his comprehensive support system, which includes a higher power, a home group, a sponsor, recovery friends, weekly counseling, and medication for depression. Both hosts celebrate the benefits of sober living, such as being fully present at social events and making clear-eyed decisions. They contrast this with their past experiences of life "just kind of knocking" them around without conscious choice. A surprising insight is Michelle's view that self-awareness was initially undesirable, as alcohol served to create "self-unawareness" to avoid feelings of shame and self-loathing. Dan reveals that his brain felt compromised by alcohol's long-term effects even when no alcohol was in his system. The hosts agree that healing shame is a prerequisite for deeper self-knowledge, framing it as a lifelong process of "peeling away layers." They recommend starting a simple daily mindfulness or meditation practice, even for just five minutes, to cultivate awareness. Michelle shares that she meditates for 10-25 minutes daily but honors a personal rule that five minutes is sufficient. In their "Recovery in a Nutshell" segment, both point to prayer, meditation, and seeking divine guidance for decision-making as essential tools, with Dan quoting a passage from page 86 of the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous. The tone is conversational, supportive, and educational, blending personal storytelling with practical spiritual advice. The style is introspective and reflective, as the hosts draw from their own histories and ongoing practices to offer guidance. This episode would deeply resonate with listeners in addiction recovery seeking to integrate spiritual principles with psychological healing and daily mindfulness. Those interested in the intersection of Unity spirituality and 12-step work will find it particularly relevant. Listeners who prefer secular, clinical, or fast-paced discussions on recovery might find the spiritual and conversational style less engaging.

As heard by us

A clear-eyed recovery talk about release, readiness, and the love that makes both possible.

The episode uses a familiar Kenny Rogers frame to ask a sober recovery question: what gets held onto, and what gets let go. Rev. Dan Beckett and Rev.

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Why you'd press play

When you need a recovery conversation about holding on without clinging, and letting go without collapsing.

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