How to Stay Married for 24 Years: Intimacy, Change & Choosing Each Other

·1 hr 9 min·5 clips

Stacy brings her husband Matt back to reveal a major shift in their 24-year marriage.

Stacy Toth welcomes her husband Matt back to the podcast on their 24th wedding anniversary. They frame the conversation around helping others achieve long-term relationships. Stacy opens with two anecdotes from their day: Matt's philosophy of changing careers every few years, which mirrors their relationship's adaptability, and her observation at a game store that contrasts with younger women's complaints about the dating pool. They discuss the importance of finding a partner willing to learn and adapt, not a 'project.' Matt shares his lifelong pattern of periodic crises and depressions, noting they've helped each other through these phases, including therapy and couples counseling. The conversation turns to intimacy, where Matt confesses his fear of sexual rejection linked to ADHD, and Stacy discusses the link between emotional and physical connection. They talk about navigating changes in sexual health due to age, medication, and hormones. Stacy stresses that reassurance during conflict is crucial. Matt delves into how Robert Jordan's 'Wheel of Time' series, which he read at 17, profoundly influenced his view of gender-complementary partnerships without patriarchy. They discuss societal pressures on masculinity, using examples like Kamala Harris's husband. Stacy reveals they used psychological 'tricks' early on to navigate traditional gender role discomforts. They conclude by warning against comparing relationships to idealized social media portrayals, emphasizing that a lasting marriage requires continuous hard work with a partner you envision as a lifelong best friend.

As heard by us

A marriage conversation about desire, change, and the work of staying close.

Real Talk Whole Life uses a 24th anniversary as a doorway into a candid marriage conversation, with the host bringing Matt back to talk through a relationship dynamic that has shifted and what it takes to keep choosing each other.

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Why you'd press play

Press play if your long relationship has started asking harder questions.

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