Radio Nonsense: A Comedy Club 4 Kids podcast · Comedy Club 4 Kids Ltd

Why are goldfish called goldfish if they are orange? With John Cooper

·43 min·2 clips

Goldfish are described as former sea creatures with “illuminated fins” and glowing scales.

1. Radio Nonsense opens with Tiernan covered in chutney while introducing the episode topic about goldfish being called goldfish even though they are orange. 2. Tiernan hosts the show, John Cooper is the guest, and John is introduced as the creator of “Air Arty,” which he says is a passive martial art. 3. The episode is built around a comic question from Ella D on Spotify about why goldfish are called goldfish if they are orange. 4. Before John arrives, Tiernan reads jokes from Zai in New Zealand, Laughing Ninja, and Hand in Singapore, keeping the mailbag moving. 5. Tiernan also plugs the email address [email protected], the UK-only prize draw for The Not Witch’s Prison Break, and the Comedy Club 4 Kids website. 6. John says he became a millionaire after cutting through air with his hand in the street and deciding to “monetize” Air Arty. 7. He describes the art as non-passive because it involves “cutting air in half” without touching another person. 8. John explains that “one in 700 million air particles” is intelligent and that a tiny sound means he has hit one. 9. He tells a story about being chased by “a small breeze,” which later became a cloud formation and left him with a large cumulus cloud from the waist up. 10. Another story involves spilling coffee into that cloud, creating a “coffee cloud” that attracted “coffee dogs” in Milton Keynes. 11. Tiernan and John joke about an “anti-Vimto spray,” and John describes being caught in a rare “Vimto storm” that left one person stuck to the A11. 12. The pair then invent “anti-supermarket spray,” with aisles, staff, and checkout tills expanding through a house after being turned back from water. 13. John also prefers a “screaming computer” over supermarkets that only sell toads, because the screams would make ordinary tasks feel easier afterward. 14. Tiernan raises the possibility of using that screaming computer as a shop prank, and John suggests it could even get him a free computer. 15. Tiernan asks whether John has any rude words, and John says he will not say “snodwallop,” which the conversation treats as forbidden. 16. The goldfish answer begins with John saying goldfish were originally “fish from the sea” that were “the golden fish.” 17. He says those fish rose to the surface in stormy seas and helped fishermen by shining “bright light” to guide them safely. 18. John claims the other fish became jealous, banned the golden fish from the sea, and sent them to cold water where they became small orange goldfish. 19. The tone is fast, improvised, and child-friendly, with Tiernan interrupting, riffing, and steering the chat through repeated absurd examples. 20. Listeners who enjoy surreal comedy, fake natural history, and escalating wordplay will like it; listeners who want a straight science answer may skip it.

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