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14079 Steve Harper Interviews Susan Engel Psychotherapist, Social Worker and Certified EMDR Clinician

·25 min·1 clip

Engel says “you’re taking it too personally” can be used to gaslight or shut down conflict.

1. Podcast Business News Network Platinum centers on Steve Harper and Susie Engel discussing the phrase “you’re taking it personally.” 2. Steve Harper is the host, and Susie Engel is presented as a psychotherapist, social worker, and certified EMDR clinician who works with couples, individuals, and teens. 3. The episode asks whether “you’re taking it personally” is useful, hurtful, or both. 4. Engel says it is not inherently good or bad to experience something personally. 5. She links the phrase to internalizing “self-criticism,” “over-accountability,” and “over-responsibility.” 6. Engel argues that the words can minimize hurt and make the speaker feel dismissed. 7. Harper and Engel discuss the difference between being personally affected and being told that one is overreacting. 8. Engel says the phrase can function as gaslighting or as a way to shut down conflict. 9. She suggests replacing it with “help me understand why this feels personal to you.” 10. Engel says a person may be reacting to feedback through old trauma or attachment wounds. 11. She says curious questions can lower defenses more effectively than criticism. 12. Engel recounts a story about a child and the Hoover Dam to explain how zooming out changes perspective. 13. She uses the dam example to show how a person can focus on one leak instead of the larger problem. 14. Engel says therapists should ask, “What do you think it’s bringing up for you?” and “When is this familiar to you from your history?” 15. She says she would never tell a client, “You’re taking this so personally.” 16. Engel says people often hear messages that they do not think right or feel right, and that those messages are damaging. 17. The conversation stays informal and responsive, with Harper pressing for examples and Engel answering in direct language. 18. The tone is conversational and practical, with short back-and-forth exchanges rather than a formal lecture. 19. People interested in communication, conflict, and therapy language. 20. Listeners wanting clinical depth or a structured mental-health lecture.

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