Pickles and Vodka: a Mental Health Podcast · Christina & Lauren

#230 Remembering Carolyn

·40 min·2 clips

"I'm about 12 hours away from my assisted death... I'm feeling very relieved. And happy to be here."

1. Pickles and Vodka episode #230, "Remembering Carolyn," is recorded on Friday the 13th, one day after the death of Carolyn, who appeared anonymously on episode 218, "A Good Death." 2. Hosts Christina and Lauren are joined by Janai, who met Carolyn in person shortly before the death and has also met Carolyn's mother. 3. The hosts say they didn't plan the episode and "would like to process it a little bit," and they now name Carolyn because Carolyn "doxed themselves" in a goodbye post. 4. Each host describes a different relationship: Christina and Carolyn were friends on the app Peach for roughly six years, Lauren was initially intimidated by Carolyn's notoriety there, and Janai and Carolyn traded deleted "secret messages" about theories. 5. Lauren explains that the grief feels odd because the death was planned and expected, and she contrasts it with the anger she felt after Dawn's sudden death. 6. She argues that Carolyn was "an expert on their own life" and that people making decisions for themselves, as in harm reduction, are often not listened to. 7. Janai reads one sentence from Carolyn's mother, "Carolyn died peacefully in my arms," and Christina shares her last message, which asked Carolyn to save her "a seat and a pint." 8. The group plays Carolyn's recorded goodbye from a Switzerland hotel room, about 12 hours before the procedure, in which Carolyn thanks the hosts and says the episode helped loved ones understand. 9. Carolyn's earlier voicemail about a dog's erection for Lauren, along with the running joke that Carolyn left "a legacy of cheese," brings humor into the mourning, and the episode closes with a tearful, unfiltered voice message from a friend. 10. Suited to listeners navigating anticipated loss or online-friend grief.

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