"Nostradamus Returns!"

August 20, 2020·23 min·2 clips

A caller accuses Nostradamus of fleeing after his family died of plague, sparking a vulgar retort.

Host Bill McLaughlin opens from Salon de Provence, France, to interview Nostradamus — described as the most prolific and influential prophet of all time — who died in 1566. The character is credited with an extensive list of historical predictions before he corrects several attributed ones and instead claims credit for predicting Viagra, hearing aids, silicone breast implants, mouthwash, and matching fanny packs. The host reads recognized Nostradamus quatrains and asks the character to confirm what they predicted — a child seducing troops rising in the east (Hitler) and the fall of a great wall (the French Revolution). Nostradamus says he spent 451 years watching his predictions come true while people misinterpret them. His early biography is sketched: his college was closed by plague, he spent eight years seeking remedies, was accepted to medical school but expelled for practicing herbal pharmacy, wrote almanacs with only 5.73% accuracy, then discovered prophecy by smoking ground nutmeg in his attic. Catherine de Medici (King Henry II's wife) summoned him to her castle, where instead of execution he received royal patronage. A caller from Holland, Michigan asks what the best and worst parts of being Nostradamus are; he says people listening is the best part, and having everything he says interpreted as a life plan is the worst. A caller from Key Largo asks if he has a Twitter account; he confirms he tweets about restaurant tips and traffic. The host challenges the idea that Nostradamus predicted his own death; the character denies it. A caller from New Jersey asks about his idea of a perfect date; the character begins romantically and then turns crude. The host produces a bowl of water and asks him to interpret a vision from it; Nostradamus produces an absurdist string of images. Nostradamus responds to questions about bad predictions by others in history, citing Watson's five-computer theory, Cooper turning down Gone with the Wind, Leahy dismissing the atomic bomb, and Decca rejecting the Beatles. A final caller methodically dismantles Nostradamus's reputation by citing biographical facts: his wife and two children died of the plague despite his claimed specialty, he was run out of town, sued by his late wife's father, and wrote his prophecies from the attic of his second wife's house. The show closes with Nostradamus advising viewers to live every day as if it were their last, noting 673 days remain.

As heard by us

A prophet interview that keeps turning reverence into a punchline.

Bill McLaughlin turns Nostradamus into a straight faced interview, and the joke stays simple: the prophet answers with total confidence while the questions get weirder.

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Why you'd press play

Press play if you want Nostradamus answering history like a guy with receipts and a wicked grin.

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