Normalizing Non-Monogamy - Personal Stories of Polyamory, Swinging, and Beyond · Emma and Fin

Ep 437 - Mariana: Round 2

·58 min·4 clips

Mariana says losing the Santa Claus story helped her relearn relationships without the marriage-and-kids script.

1. Normalizing Non-Monogamy episode 437 is a catch-up with Mariana about how her polyamory, relationship design, and internal outlook have changed over the last few years. 2. Finn and Emma interview Mariana, who is 33, uses she/her pronouns, is from Portugal, and is currently in Berlin because one of her partners lives there. 3. The episode asks what has changed for Mariana when the relationship structure has mostly stayed the same but her sense of relationships has shifted. 4. Mariana says she started her non-monogamous journey around six years ago and was struggling when she first had a serious relationship alongside her nesting partner. 5. She says she created the Games Project to help herself work through questions about non-monogamy, relationships, and desire. 6. Mariana says she is still with the same two partners she had during the first interview, and that they have been together for eight years and almost four years. 7. She says that, from the outside, not much has changed, but internally she has changed a lot. 8. Mariana describes severe anxiety, rumination, and judgment about her own life, especially around what she thought other people believed about her relationships. 9. She says therapy, medication, and dealing with a psoriasis flare-up helped her realize that her body was no longer tolerating the level of stress she had normalized. 10. Mariana compares learning non-monogamy to learning to drive, because both started as uncomfortable processes that eventually became more automatic and less consuming. 11. She says she no longer expects a "crazy feeling" of wanting to stay with someone forever, and now accepts relationships more calmly. 12. Mariana uses a Santa Claus analogy to describe how losing the old relationship script first felt like losing the magic. 13. She says she found the magic again by spending time with people she loves and by treating romantic, sexual, friendship, and family relationships as distinct rather than ranked. 14. Mariana says the magic now is "being allowed to be creative in life and relationships," especially when consent is present. 15. She gives the example of thinking about fostering families as an alternative to the usual kids-and-partner script. 16. Mariana says she is also a designer, a woodworker, and part of a collective focused on arts, crafts, sustainable production, and alternative ways of living in community. 17. She explains that shifting from living with a nesting partner full-time to splitting time between Portugal and Berlin made it easier to stay present in one relationship at a time. 18. Mariana says her nesting partner is monogamous, supportive, introverted, and more stable than she is, which helps the arrangement work. 19. People interested in relationship anarchy, polyamory, and designing relationships beyond the escalator will get the most from this conversation. 20. People looking for a fast, surface-level dating story without emotional reflection may skip it.

As heard by us

A calm, candid look at how a polyamorous life can stay steady without getting static.

Mariana's conversation offers a measured, intimate view of non-monogamy as everyday practice rather than theory. It centers on expectation, openness, and self-understanding, and it gives weight to the choice to let go of the old script that says relationships must point toward…

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Why you'd press play

If you want a calm, honest check-in on non-monogamy and relationships, this is a good pick.

Read the full recommendation in PlayNext →

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