Normalizing Non-Monogamy - Personal Stories of Polyamory, Swinging, and Beyond · Emma and Fin

Ep 432 - Sarah

·1 hr 7 min·5 clips

A therapist asked Sarah: if they weren't sick, would you still be with them?

This episode features Sarah, a queer, non-binary, polyamorous relationship anarchist and licensed therapist, sharing their personal journey with hosts Finn and Emma. Sarah discusses their two-decade evolution through various relationship structures and identities, including a recent amicable divorce after realizing they were gay. Their story begins with an early, poorly managed attempt at non-monogamy in college that involved broken agreements and emotional attachments. After a breakup and period of dating cis men, Sarah reconnected with and later married their college partner, only to have a career crisis and personal awakening at age 29. Joining a queer tackle football team led Sarah to explore their queer identity, which ultimately ended their marriage. Sarah then entered a four-year, emotionally abusive relationship with a teammate, which included infidelity and occurred alongside their partner's terminal illness diagnosis. A key insight is Sarah's realization that frequent sexual experiences often lead to emotional attachments for them, challenging common non-monogamous agreements. They reflect on the immense pressure of growing up in a hyper-religious, conservative household that repressed their queer and non-monogamous identities. Sarah describes using psychedelic-assisted therapy to heal, including a powerful experience of compassionately holding their younger self. They emphasize that even experienced non-monogamists and therapists like themselves are imperfect humans who continually learn and make mistakes. The conversation has a reflective, vulnerable, and therapeutic tone, blending personal narrative with psychological insights. Listeners interested in queer self-discovery, the intersection of therapy and personal practice, or stories of relationship evolution will find this episode compelling. Those seeking lighthearted content or strictly instructional advice on non-monogamy might prefer a different episode.

As heard by us

A candid relationship story about non-monogamy, queer self-discovery, and mistakes that only look obvious in hindsight.

Sarah's account follows a divorce, a fast-moving new relationship, and the slower realization that love and good intentions do not make a relationship safe.

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Why you'd press play

If you want a queer relationship story that gets brutally honest about red flags, start here.

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