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NB: My Non-Binary Life · BBC Sounds

2. Words

February 27, 2019·27 min·2 clips
Amru describes performing in a sequin onesie covered in emerald glitter while dreading offending a row of Muslim women — who cornered them afterward to say Allah loves you.
Words are not small here. The cold open wonders what a non-binary language might sound like, then brings that question straight back to one person talking to another. Caitlin is nervous. They spell out the awkward, exposed work of asking people to use different pronouns, especially people who already know you. Amru has been further down that road. They remember being the first person Caitlin came out to, partly because the friendship did not yet have too many fixed ideas attached to it. That detail gives the episode its feel. Coming out sounds less like a big announcement and more like a careful message passed between people. The conversation stays close to language. Pronouns are not treated like grammar trivia. They are part of the daily question of whether someone feels recognized or pushed aside. Then the dry humor kicks in. The title mix shows up as a partial answer, until an HR system ruins the moment by offering only male and female underneath. Almost there, as they say. Amru laughs at the absurd choice between gendered titles and grand old options like reverend, captain, and brigadier. The joke has a point. Forms can allow ceremonial neutrality while still denying the plain neutrality a non-binary person needs. Quakers come in too. Their approach to titles opens up a longer thought about names, social labels, ownership, status, and gender. Caitlin asks the bigger question: should everyone start with they, with he or she left as a choice for people who want that language? Amru answers with care. Neutral pronouns can be a starting point or a settled place, while people who fought for strongly feminine or masculine language still deserve that room.

As heard by us

A grounded conversation about pronouns, titles, and the awkward work of being addressed.

"Words" keeps its feet on the ground. It follows Caitlin and Amru through the awkward, ordinary work of names, pronouns, titles, and forms, and the HR menus and paperwork make the point without needing a big speech.

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Why you'd press play

If pronouns, forms, and awkward coming-out conversations matter to you, start here.

Read the full recommendation in PlayNext →
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