MY BLUEPRINT: Struggle Towards Emotional Sobriety

#348 How Sick Are You?

·46 min·4 clips

Michael says the only difference between him and others is he admits he's sick with flaws like selfishness, while most deny it.

In this solo episode, host Michael Stoller begins by describing a morning calling to re-read the book 'Callings' by Greg Lavoie, which inspires the episode's central question: what would you preach about with an hour of prime time? He recounts his own journey of recognizing callings through small, intuitive nudges during meditation, such as calling his dad or doing push-ups. Stoller introduces a personal rule for discerning divine will: whatever he doesn't want to do—like dishes or mowing the lawn—is often what a higher power wants. He illustrates this with a story about driving with his daughter Ella, where her spontaneous suggestion to go to a restaurant named Grace becomes a teaching moment about recognizing spiritual guidance. The host then shifts to his core message, defining emotional 'sickness' as the awareness of one's flaws, such as selfishness, greed, and anger, which he contrasts with most people's denial of these traits. He emphasizes that knowing and admitting these shortcomings is the first step toward health, using his therapy practice as an example where he asks clients about their liabilities. Stoller applies this idea to public figures, imagining a session with Donald Trump to explore his fears and insecurities, rooted in childhood trauma from his niece's book. The episode also delves into parenting, with Stoller offering a specific technique for handling a four-year-old's bedtime resistance by consistently and silently returning the child to bed without engagement. He argues that parental behavior is often the root of children's issues, urging self-work over blaming the child. Throughout, Stoller weaves in themes from 12-step programs, discussing character defects like false pride and resentment. He concludes by comparing emotional work to treating a physical tumor, stressing that one cannot address deep-seated issues alone and must seek external help, such as therapy, to avoid the 'sickness' of ignorance or inaction.

As heard by us

A blunt, useful case for naming the traits that keep intimacy and change out of reach.

Michael Stoller frames emotional sobriety as the discipline of naming what he sees in himself: selfishness, greed, lust, hate, resentment, laziness, and impatience.

Read the full review in PlayNext →

Why you'd press play

Want a blunt check on what it costs to dodge your own anger, fears, insecurities, selfishness, lust, greed, and resentment?

Read the full recommendation in PlayNext →

Listen to the show on

Apple Podcasts Spotify

Play clips from this episode More from MY BLUEPRINT: Struggle Towards Emotional Sobriety